1. Denial
You find yourself trying to convince yourself that the stack of seven boxes from Amazon is merely stuffed with soft toys. Is it really already 11 p.m.? Surely this won’t take long; I see us tucked in by midnight. Perhaps most of these toys come pre-assembled. I can handle this—after all, I was the president of the German club back in the day and breezed through shop class. Nothing requires batteries, right? I bought every type we could possibly need. Of course, I know where the drill is, and yes, it’s fully charged. I can definitely find the tiny screwdriver. All those pre-drilled holes should be just that—pre-drilled. This year, we won’t need the 9-inch Santoku knife, pliers, or even the jaws of life. I swear.
2. Blame
Here come the sarcastic remarks from the partner who didn’t lift a finger during the toy shopping spree, despite being asked to help assemble the toys weeks ago. And let’s not forget the ‘I’m so over Christmas’ partner who has been hunting for bargains since Halloween, ensuring they snagged that one coveted toy. “It’s your fault; the kids don’t need all of this!” “No, it’s your fault for not doing your part!” Oh, and let’s not overlook that it’s your mother’s fault for sending all these toys here for us to assemble. Seriously? And don’t forget the comment about not having any female sperm! Enjoy that two-foot-long Hot Wheels track—I’m off to bed.
3. Reminiscing
Ah, the bliss of Christmas Eve before the kids arrived—just the two of us, a crackling fire, and a dinner that didn’t include anything shaped like a nugget. Remember those days of sleeping in until 11 a.m., savoring coffee, and exchanging meaningful gifts? Our first Christmas as a married couple, anticipating our first child, and dreaming of the day they could sit on Santa’s lap. Those nostalgic moments flood back, like the corners of the coffee table we haven’t seen in ages because it’s been baby-proofed. Here’s to waking up at 5 a.m. to admire the new hot water heater we gifted each other for Christmas. What are we doing for New Year’s Eve? Let’s set the alarm for midnight for a kiss.
4. “We’re Done Having Kids”
This phase usually hits two or three kids in, around 2 a.m., when bleary eyes and agitated voices take over. A hungry baby wakes, while the toddler is crying from a nightmare. And here we are, still trying to piece together that perfect workbench for our little guy. “Don’t ever touch me again,” she says. “Let’s have another baby,” he replies, reflecting on how fun this was supposed to be. “I’m never having sex with you again,” she insists. “How could we? They ALL want to sleep with us!” “NO. MORE. KIDS!” “You got it.” Yet somehow, there are still two more little ones.
5. Acceptance
You both fall silent and dive into the task at hand. Like little elves, you work seamlessly, grasping at the last bits of energy you have left. You chuckle at the earlier arguments and decide to step outside into the chilly night air to give the shiny new red scooter a whirl. You toss the new football and kick around the soccer ball. You scribble “From Santa” on the new bike, push the trains along the track, and fill the stockings. Even if it’s just a few minutes, you steal some sleep, grateful for the children who will fill the house with excitement at dawn. You’ve accepted that you are, in fact, grown-ups, and you’ve once again tackled another Christmas Eve as dedicated parents.
Merry Christmas!
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Summary:
Christmas Eve toy assembly is a rollercoaster of emotions, from denial and blame to nostalgic reminiscing, frustration with family planning, and finally acceptance. As parents, we navigate these phases with humor, solidarity, and a few late-night adventures. Despite the chaos, the joy of seeing our children’s excitement brings it all together, reminding us of the magic that comes with the season.
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