Let’s take a moment to share a little secret: my child is finally sleeping through the night! I’ve been hesitant to say it out loud, fearing I might jinx it. But after months of sleepless nights, I can finally admit it—my little one is sleeping soundly. If you’re struggling with your own restless baby, fear not. Follow my detailed guide, and in just two and a half years, your child might be peacefully snoozing as well.
- At five months, introduce a dream feed. Pick up your sleepy baby at 11 PM while a tiny voice in your head questions your sanity. Try to feed them, and see just how much you can wake them up. Spoiler alert: probably too much. Spend an hour trying to coax them back to sleep.
- Attempt the dream feed again the following night—you never know, it could have been a fluke.
- Keep trying.
- At six months, realize that a certain parent’s snoring might be the culprit keeping your baby awake. Move the little one to their own room, sit back, and anticipate a blissful night of sleep.
- At 3 AM, stumble back to the crying baby, regretting the decision to move them out of your room. Make three trips back and forth, and eventually bring them back into bed with you. Try to sleep while being kicked in the face.
- Decide that last night was just a one-time occurrence. Let them sleep in their own room again.
- At 3 AM, step on a Lego and let out a silent curse while rushing to pick up the crying baby, all while praying they don’t wake their siblings.
- Repeat this nightly cycle, holding onto the hope that maybe it was just the snoring. Dismantling the crib to move it back seems like a defeat.
- After six months of nightly chaos, come up with a brilliant plan: place a travel crib beside your bed so you can settle the baby after they wake.
- Quickly realize that your baby despises the travel crib after a few hundred attempts. Abandon that idea.
- Conclude that your baby’s feet are too warm. Solution? Cut the feet off all their pajamas.
- Go to bed anticipating a full night of sleep.
- At 3 AM, bring the crying baby into bed, finding some comfort in how adorable they look in their modified pajamas, all while being kicked in the face.
- Download the Wonder Weeks app. Now you can understand why your baby was cranky last week! But this week? Still a mystery.
- Suspect that the early sunrise is waking them, so rush out to buy blackout curtains, ignoring that nagging thought reminding you the sun doesn’t rise at 3 AM.
- Attach blackout lining to your curtains, only to discover you’ve done it incorrectly. Curse under your breath, take it down, and start over. Hang the curtains, admire the newfound darkness, and hope for sleep.
- Get up at 3 AM when the baby cries. Bang your knee against the crib in the pitch-black room. Keep trying with the blackout curtains; surely they’ll work eventually.
- Now that your baby is 18 months old, desperation sets in. Scour sleep forums and Google “my toddler won’t sleep.” Discover bimodal sleep and realize this is just a phase, with nothing you can do about it. Move on to the next site.
- A friend mentions that white noise is effective for getting kids back to sleep. Download one of the many white noise apps available. Charge your phone and get ready.
- At 3 AM, rush into the room, phone in hand, fumbling in the dark to turn on the app. Place the phone next to the crib and sit back to witness the magic. It seems to be working! The baby has stopped crying.
- Slowly, quietly, ease yourself out of the chair, with one foot on the floor heading toward the door. Make not a sound.
- Just as you touch the doorknob, the baby’s super-hearing kicks in, and they start crying again. Sit back down. This is now your new reality. Embrace the white noise.
- At two years old, transition your child from a crib to a bed. When they wake up at night, climb into their bed with them. Notice the face-kicking has lessened. Fall asleep pondering why.
- Finally, make the brave move to sit on the floor beside their bed when they wake instead of climbing in with them. Bring a cushion for comfort and consider setting up a mini-fridge for late-night snacks. Do this for however long it takes (even if it’s four months). Eventually, sleep will come.
And there you have it! Just follow these steps, and by the time your child is two and a half, they may be sleeping through the night. Or, you know, they might not—no promises here.
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In summary, every parent’s journey to help their child sleep is unique and can be filled with its fair share of obstacles. With patience and a bit of humor, you’ll navigate this challenging yet rewarding phase of parenting.
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