Recently, I stumbled upon a viral video titled “I’m Not Your Friend, Kid,” created by vlogger Sarah Mitchell. The humorous premise suggests that parents shouldn’t befriend their children, as it supposedly undermines their authority. While I chuckled at Sarah’s witty commentary about parenting, I must respectfully disagree with her main point. I believe that it’s entirely possible to maintain a friendship with your kids while also instilling discipline and boundaries.
I’m no parenting guru, but my ten years of experience have taught me this: forging a strong bond of trust and openness with my kids serves as the foundation for teaching important life skills. Without that essential connection, it becomes challenging for me to communicate effectively or for my children to grasp the lessons I aim to impart.
Finding Common Ground
Take, for instance, the challenge of getting my 9-year-old, Alex, to contribute around the house. If left to his own devices, his socks would linger on the kitchen floor indefinitely. His cereal bowl would remain at the table, slowly gathering a layer of congealed milk, and his Pokémon cards would transform into a chaotic mountain in his room. It appears that the concept of cleaning up after oneself hasn’t quite registered with him yet, and I felt it was time for a change.
How did I approach this? I won’t pretend to be a perfect parent who can simply command compliance with a fierce glare. Parenting is inherently messy, and there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. However, when it came to encouraging my son to tidy up, the best approach turned out to be a simple conversation.
I know it sounds a bit unconventional, and I can’t guarantee it will work in every scenario or with every child. I’ve tried yelling, withholding privileges, and even begging—though we can all agree that last tactic is often futile. Yet, what resonated this time was speaking to Alex as if he were a friend.
The Importance of Timing
Timing was essential. I avoided discussing housework in the midst of our hectic daily routines. Instead, I chose to address it during our nightly “special talks,” which are our cherished moments of connection. We set aside at least 15 minutes each evening for just the two of us, free from distractions. During these intimate chats, we share our thoughts and feelings, reinforcing our bond.
That night, I broached the topic of housework, not as an authority figure, but as a peer. I explained how challenging it is for me to keep our home organized when there’s a constant mess. I also reminded him that being 9 means he has responsibilities too, and part of my job is to help him grow into a responsible adult.
The realization hit him, and I could see the light bulb go off. He expressed his desire to be a good person, and he wanted to contribute, too. Since then, while it’s not a perfect situation—he still occasionally tries to negotiate with me when it’s time to clean up—I’ve noticed a positive shift. Instead of resistance, I often hear him say, “Mom, I’m really tired. Can’t you just do it?” When I firmly yet kindly respond that I can’t, he eventually picks up after himself.
Building a Foundation of Trust
I want my children to listen, cooperate, and understand the importance of being responsible citizens—not because they fear consequences, but because they genuinely grasp the values I’m trying to instill. Establishing trust and encouraging open communication is key, and being their friend plays a vital role in this process.
For more insights on parenting and building connections, check out this engaging blog post.
In summary, being friends with your children can coexist with teaching them valuable life lessons. Through open dialogues and shared moments, you foster a relationship built on trust, which ultimately leads to a more effective parenting experience.
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