Attachment parenting is a nurturing style of raising children that often includes practices such as co-sleeping, responding promptly to a child’s cries, feeding on demand, and employing gentle discipline. If you’re not inclined towards attachment parenting, this article may not resonate with you—and that’s perfectly fine. Traditional parenting methods have their own merits that cater well to many families, and I respect that.
However, I want to share my experience with attachment parenting, as it has shaped the lives of my four children. For any parents who find themselves questioning if they are spoiling their little ones by having them sleep in their beds or who feel like they are human pacifiers, this piece is for you. I also address those parents who haven’t had a weekend away since their baby was born, wondering if their choices are worthwhile.
Admittedly, we didn’t set out to embrace attachment parenting. When our first child arrived, we hadn’t truly considered what kind of parents we wanted to be. It just unfolded organically. Our son slept better when we co-slept, and in turn, we found our own sleep improved. Nursing on demand felt more natural to me, so I did it around the clock, which made leaving him for any length of time a challenge—so we simply didn’t. As for baby carriers, they were a backache waiting to happen. I soon realized it was easier to carry my baby in my arms or a sling.
Before long, we were fully immersed in attachment parenting. Though this style felt right for us, I had my own doubts and moments of uncertainty—especially when I compared our choices to more conventional methods. My parents and even grandparents supported our approach, as did Dr. Sears, but I still questioned our path from time to time.
As our children grew, I found myself grappling with typical parental worries. When our eldest turned four, he exhibited severe separation anxiety—had we made him overly dependent? By age five, our second child still crept into our bed at night. Was this behavior typical? Our third child preferred to be held constantly during her first year and a half; was this acceptable? And with our youngest, who was slower to speak, I worried if we had spoiled him by catering to his every need before he could express them.
Looking back, I wish I had known then what I know now: my children have turned out just fine—actually, they’re thriving. While they aren’t fully grown (the youngest is only 12), I appreciate who they are becoming. Although I don’t attribute their wonderful traits solely to attachment parenting, I believe that the abundance of love they received has significantly influenced their development. Here are some lasting benefits I’ve witnessed:
- Kindness: My children may not be flawless, but they consistently strive to be kind to others. They have grown up expecting compassion and respond to others with empathy.
- Independence: A common critique of attachment parenting is that it fosters dependency. However, as my children transitioned into tweens and teens, they became remarkably independent and self-assured—evidence of the deep security that comes from our approach.
- Affection: Even though my husband and I haven’t heard little feet padding to our room in a long while, our children are still very affectionate. Our 12-year-old loves to snuggle during family movie nights, and my teenage daughters are often seen cuddling and laughing together.
- Healthy Attachment: We’ve cultivated a friendly relationship with our children, enjoying time spent together while still maintaining authority. This has fostered a unique bond that often eases the strains typically seen during the teenage years.
- Strong Sibling Bonds: Yes, my kids argue, but beneath the squabbles lies a profound love, likely stemming from the strong family ties we’ve nurtured.
- Happiness: All of the attachment kids I know, including mine, radiate happiness. They’ve grown up enveloped in the love and presence of their parents, akin to feeding a hungry child emotionally.
Attachment parenting is not the only way to raise children, and my kids are far from perfect. I’ve made many mistakes along the way. But I genuinely like who they are becoming. While I don’t claim to be a parenting authority, it was the shared experiences of other mothers that truly reassured me during my early parenting days. If attachment parenting resonates with you, embrace it. Yes, it can be demanding at times, but remember that these years are fleeting. You’re creating invaluable memories and nurturing incredible human beings.
For more insights, you can explore our other blog posts, including the terms and conditions that can guide you through various parenting philosophies. Also, check out Make A Mom’s fertility boosters for expert advice, and for foundational knowledge on pregnancy, the Genetics and IVF Institute is an excellent resource.
Summary: The author reflects on their unexpected journey into attachment parenting, detailing its benefits such as fostering kindness, independence, affection, and strong family bonds in children. While acknowledging the challenges, the writer emphasizes the lasting positive impact of this parenting approach, encouraging others to embrace it if it feels right for them.