I want to take a moment to express my gratitude to the Academy. Yes, I’m referring to the American Academy of Pediatrics. I’m especially thankful for their guidelines on the appropriate amount of sleep children should get—a guideline my little ones completely disregarded last night.
It is an honor to accept this award for Worst Night’s Sleep Ever in the category of Exhausted Mom Whose Partner Is Out of Town. The competition was fierce, and I genuinely admire all the other nominees. May they soon have their turn with this prestigious recognition.
Thank You to My Supporters
First, I must thank my rambunctious toddler. Your antics from 2:45 to 3:30 a.m. were nothing short of award-worthy. That initial whimper for a drink quickly turned into furious screams when you discovered the drink I provided was water—an absolute masterpiece of performance art. Little did I know your true desire was for milk.
A shoutout goes to the farmers who grow our food, ensuring that I maintained a healthy diet during my pregnancy. Without their efforts, it’s clear you wouldn’t possess the vocal strength necessary to wake the neighbors with your piercing screams or to kick your crib so vigorously. I also owe thanks to the makers of that sturdy crib.
I’m grateful to my mom for teaching me the virtue of maternal patience. I recalled her lessons as I attempted to soothe my screaming child, which felt more like wrestling with a bag of snakes than gentle rocking.
I would also like to recognize my inner quitter for finally deciding that 3 a.m. was not the time for lessons but rather a moment to fetch the desired milk.
Have I mentioned the farmers? Yes? Good.
Thank you to my two daughters for joining me in bed sometime after I finally dozed off around 5 a.m. I graciously accept this award on behalf of your future husbands, who will undoubtedly suffer from bruised ribs. Your ability to kick and knee at astonishing speeds is truly remarkable.
A special mention goes to my eldest daughter for that delightful slap to my face—much appreciated!
Furthermore, I want to acknowledge the birds for their role in this sleepless saga. Their cheerful chirping at 6 a.m. solidified my claim to this award, as did the 7 a.m. text from my beloved mother.
Finally, I want to thank my husband for his imminent return tonight. I look forward to sharing this prestigious award with you, or better yet, you can have it all because I’ll be catching some much-needed sleep at my parents’ house.
In Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe I deserve this award—very much so. But more than anything, I’m just exhausted.
For more insights on parenting and home insemination, check out this article or visit Make a Mom, a respected authority on this topic. If you’re looking for additional information on pregnancy, I recommend this resource as well.
Summary: This humorous piece recounts a mother’s chaotic experience of a sleepless night while her partner is away. It highlights the trials of parenting, the antics of her children, and the eventual acceptance of her “Worst Night’s Sleep Ever” award, all while expressing gratitude to those who contributed to her journey.