You’ve definitely come across her. You spot her at the grocery store, the playground, the library, the gas station, or even attempting to enjoy a meal at a family-friendly restaurant. She’s the mom with (typically) more than one young child in tow. Her face is bare of makeup, and her hair is thrown up in a messy bun that looks like it survived a tornado. Her outfit is often adorned with mysterious stains, and if she happens to be matching, it’s considered a win. While you might think this paints a picture of most mothers, you’d be right. What sets ‘that’ mom apart is the sound of her child (or children) wailing at the top of their lungs.
She notices your gaze. She feels the judgment radiating from you as you watch her struggle to calm her child. Despite the chaos, she’s acutely aware of the comments exchanged between you and your companion, even if you believe she can’t hear over the cacophony of crying. Her face is flushed with embarrassment, and those glistening eyes? Yes, they’re filled with tears.
She fights to remain calm. When a well-meaning couple approaches, trying to offer assistance in their own clumsy way (which often exacerbates the situation), she manages a strained smile. Deep down, she appreciates their kindness, but the moment feels insurmountable. You might hear them say, “It gets better” or “I totally understand,” and she responds on autopilot, barely processing their words. The truth is, her mind races with a million thoughts, all centered around the urgent need to escape the current situation, regardless of the full shopping cart, an untouched meal, or any plans that have now gone awry.
As she watches you with your calm, well-behaved children, a pang of envy strikes her. Your kids, sweet and angelic, gaze at her own with confusion. She silently resents you, assuming you’re one of those PTA moms who effortlessly bakes treats for the baseball team, hosts parties, and juggles work and family like a pro. She wishes her life could be that simple.
Years ago, I witnessed a similar scene while shopping with my partner. A little girl’s sharp scream pierced through the mall, and her mother was doing her best to console her. The harder she tried, the louder the child became. Enter three teenagers, one of whom loudly criticized the mother for having her child in public. I watched in awe as the mother, red-faced with frustration, confronted them, asking if they had a problem. My partner and I couldn’t help but stifle our laughter as the teen awkwardly looked down, speechless. Afterward, we discussed the incident, chuckling at the teen’s reaction while also agreeing with her sentiment. (Don’t judge us just yet!) We wondered why parents allow such behavior, vowing that our future children would be well-behaved.
Now, I am that mom. I’m the one you observe as my child loses control. I dread public outings, fully aware of the likelihood of a meltdown. I’ve found myself sitting in my car, head against the steering wheel, fighting tears after a particularly rough trip to the store. I’ve become acutely aware of the reality I once judged so harshly.
So here’s my request: before you label her a poor parent, before you judge her and her children, take a moment to consider the bigger picture. Perhaps that child is exhausted, hungry, or grappling with challenges that aren’t immediately visible. It’s not always a simple matter of discipline.
I can’t speak for everyone, but I know I’m not alone. One of my children has autism spectrum disorder and sensory processing issues. You may see a child screaming in the checkout line, but what you don’t see is how something as trivial as the cart not moving can send them into a tailspin. You might give me a bewildered look as I try to help my child regain composure. What you perceive as poor parenting is often a struggle against challenges beyond our control. It’s important to remember that even typical children can have their moments.
So the next time you encounter that mom, please be kind. Don’t jump to conclusions about her parenting. She’s doing her best, navigating through a rough day, just like every other parent. And if you think you could do better, I invite you to step into her shoes for a day. You might find it’s a lot more challenging than it appears.
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Summary
In this article, we explore the challenges faced by mothers in public settings, particularly those with children who may be experiencing meltdowns. Through personal anecdotes, we encourage empathy towards parents and their children, emphasizing that behavior often stems from unseen struggles. We remind readers to withhold judgment and to consider the complexities of parenting before making assumptions.
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