As a new mom, I’ve discovered that I have plenty of time to think—though not the kind that allows for cleaning or laundry, but rather the kind that invites deep reflection while waiting for my coffee to brew. In the early days of motherhood, I found myself grappling with a myriad of questions, many of which seemed to have no clear answers. Here are some of the peculiar thoughts that have crossed my mind:
- What is BPA, really? Is it akin to asbestos or gluten? All I know is that it’s deemed harmful, and I should steer clear of it.
- Why is my birth story met with such indifference? I mean, it’s an exhilarating tale! Sure, the term “episiotomy” might make folks squirm, and perhaps I should save my lactation anecdotes for a gathering, but come on—who doesn’t want to hear about my triumph over intense pain or the color of my amniotic fluid?
- Do all mothers genuinely find their newborns adorable? Sometimes they resemble a Cabbage Patch doll crossed with Gollum. Still cute? Just checking.
- Why are baby outfits so intricate? With the number of diaper changes, you’d think clothing designers would create simpler designs. Why can’t we have baby clothes with easy tear-away Velcro like strippers use?
- Why do I have over 20 different pacifiers, yet my baby insists on using just one? And why did they have to discontinue that particular one?
- If my baby goes to bed at 1 a.m. and wakes up at 4 a.m., is that considered “sleeping through the night”?
- Why is it that as soon as my baby falls asleep, I turn into a clumsy detective, knocking over anything that makes noise or emits light?
- Who writes the jingles for toys? It drives me mad when they lack rhythm and rhyme. My kid has toys that punctuate verses with giggles; it feels like lazy songwriting. Wouldn’t they sell more if voiced by charming figures like British kids or Morgan Freeman?
- Will I ever be able to casually mention “nipple” without blushing? The new terms in my vocabulary, such as “nipple confusion” and “breast pump,” make me feel more like a production assistant for an adult film rather than a new mom.
- How many calories are in a placenta? And when people eat it, do they cook it first or just gulp it down raw like a fitness enthusiast with eggs?
- Is there a way to prevent my nursing curtain from becoming a sauna? It’s getting pretty steamy in there.
- How critical is it to track my baby’s statistics? I have no clue what percentile she’s in, so I’ve been fabricating: 85th percentile in ‘leg chub,’ 98th in ‘lung capacity,’ and 5th in ‘sleeping through the night.’
- Why don’t even the simplest toys come pre-assembled? Seriously, do manufacturers not see the irony in needing a tool kit to assemble a toy tool kit?
- What’s up with the product named “Baby Bullet”? Those words should never be paired together, like “organic cookies” or “interrupted sleep.”
- It gets easier, right? I’ve heard that toddlers and teens are a breeze compared to infants. For now, I’m holding onto that hope.
If you’re a new mom navigating these thoughts, you’re certainly not alone. For more insights on motherhood, you might want to check out this post for additional tips. And if you’re considering home insemination, you can find reputable products at Make a Mom. For a broader understanding of fertility, Medical News Today is an excellent resource.
Summary
Embarking on the journey of motherhood brings a whirlwind of questions and uncertainties. From the baffling complexities of baby gear to the nuances of new vocabulary, every new mom finds herself pondering the same curiosities. It’s a wild ride, but sharing these experiences can help ease the transition into this new chapter of life.
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