Before stepping into the world of motherhood, I held onto a rather rosy vision of what it would be like. During those long nights filled with fertility treatments and acupuncture sessions, I envisioned peaceful mornings cuddling with my baby as the sun barely peeked over the horizon. I imagined cozy Saturdays spent watching cartoons, followed by afternoons at soccer games and splashing around in the pool. My dreams included school plays, back-to-school shopping sprees, and a little buddy to accompany me to the movies.
Then, it happened. I was blessed with not one but two little miracles. They were adorable companions until our youngest hit the age of two, and that’s when the real chaos began. Suddenly, hair-pulling, toy-snatching, and wrestling matches became the norm, with finding even three minutes of peaceful playtime feeling like an impossibility. Sure, they share a bond, but my days as simply “Mom” have vanished. My new title seems to be “Referee,” and my daily dialogue consists of phrases I never thought I would utter.
For example:
“Stop licking your sister!” – Seriously? Licking? It’s like a scene from a slow-motion film when I see their tongues reaching towards each other. Gross!
“Please don’t eat the sunscreen.” – Who thought foam that looks like whipped cream was a good idea? Note to self: Buy the spray kind.
“Let go of my shirt!” – Our two-year-old stopped nursing over a year ago, yet she’s still obsessed with my chest. In new places, she clings to me and inevitably pulls down my shirt, exposing my bra. I’ve resorted to high-neck shirts—no more tank tops or v-necks for me!
“Stop decorating your nightstand with boogers!” – It’s not just a few; it’s a full-blown shrine to boogers. At least she’s not eating them, right?
“Poop is not a food group.” – Welcome to the Summer of Potty Talk. “What do you want for lunch?” “Poop!” “What kind of muffins should we bake?” “Poopy muffins!” “What frosting does Dad like?” “Poop.” Cue the giggles.
“No, I will not cook your butt and eat it.” – When I tell them not to say “poop” at the dinner table, they come back with wanting to eat their butts after cooking them. Is butt really that hilarious? I just don’t get it.
“Who on earth put the remote control in the toilet?” – My toddler has an obsession with the remote. It’s not enough to have the fake Fisher Price version; she has to find the real one, which I’ve discovered in the toy box, in hat boxes, and even in the toilet last week!
“You may not dance around naked. Get back to the dinner table.” – I hoped I’d never have to worry about pole dancing (aka her four-poster bed), but here we are in a phase of shedding clothes and shaking booties. At least she asked first, right? This has to be just a phase, I hope!
“You can poop in your pants if you want… just go!” – Our toddler has an aversion to going #2, holding it for days. Anyone else facing this challenge?
“Your body is not a toy!” – This gem came up during bath time. Enough said.
Ah, the sweet sounds of parenthood! For more insights and helpful tips, check out this great resource on pregnancy and our other blog post for all things related to home insemination.
In summary, motherhood is filled with unexpected moments and phrases that leave you scratching your head, laughing, or even cringing. While it may not always align with the idyllic visions we have before becoming parents, it’s undeniably an adventure filled with love, laughter, and a bit of chaos.