Fat talk has been part of my daily language for as long as I can remember. I thought that becoming a mother would help me leave this unhealthy dialogue behind. Yet, years later, I still find myself standing in front of the mirror, saying things like:
- I feel so heavy today.
- Does this outfit make me look larger?
- I just indulged in too much dessert. I’m disgusting.
- Is my stomach protruding?
- I never used to have this skin texture. Look at this!
My friends would join in, competing over who had the most distressing body image issues—sharing tales of their perceived flaws and insecurities. One friend even expressed her disdain for her knees. We engaged in fat talk as if it were a competitive sport, fueled by societal expectations that taught us to downplay compliments and magnify our flaws.
My husband often found my self-deprecating remarks difficult to endure. Sometimes he would reassure me of my beauty, while other times he would simply refrain from responding. Occasionally, he would express his concern, asking, “You won’t talk like this in front of our child, will you?” I would respond indignantly, “Of course not!”
Then our daughter was born, and I quickly realized that breaking the cycle of fat talk was a bigger challenge than I anticipated. Despite my intentions for her to have a healthy body image, I struggled to curb my own negative self-talk.
I made excuses, telling myself she was too young to comprehend my words and that I still had time before it became an issue. I reassured myself that I always praised her delightful little body, especially her adorable chubby tummy and sweet thighs. Surely, she wouldn’t be affected by my comments.
But the reality was different. From the moment she was a few weeks old, I would lay her on the floor while I got ready, and I noticed her watching my every move. At eight months, she imitated me blowing my nose—a moment that made me realize how closely she observed me. By twelve months, she was reaching for my lip gloss, attempting to copy my routine.
As she grew, I saw her mimicking various actions of mine, from dragging around cleaning supplies to trying on my shoes. It became clear that she was not just a passive observer; she was absorbing my behaviors. And despite my efforts to limit my negative remarks about my body, they still slipped out.
If I were to be honest, it wasn’t because I had achieved a newfound body acceptance since becoming a mother; it was more a byproduct of being at my lowest weight as an adult. However, that didn’t stop me from lamenting the changes my body underwent after pregnancy.
I aspire to believe that my body is beautiful every day, regardless of its imperfections. I want my daughter to grow up seeing it as normal for women to embrace their own beauty. I’ve been attempting to keep my fat talk to a minimum when she is around, allowing her to explore my body without shame and even wearing a bikini at the beach, pushing my own comfort boundaries.
Motherhood has taught me the significance of navigating through uncertainties. It’s evident that accepting my body and fostering a positive body image is a journey, one that requires constant effort. While I strive to avoid negative self-talk in my daughter’s presence, I recognize that children are perceptive and can sense our insecurities.
Ultimately, I understand that the solution is not to hide my struggles but to confront them head-on. As I navigate this path, I’m discovering that embracing self-acceptance is an ongoing process—one that I will continue to refine.
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Summary
This article shares a personal journey of overcoming self-criticism related to body image, especially as a new mother. The author reflects on the impact of “fat talk” and emphasizes the importance of fostering a positive body image for both herself and her daughter.