Many well-meaning individuals will shower you with advice as you prepare to step into motherhood for the first time. You’ll hear gems like, “Travel now,” and “Catch up on sleep while you still can.” If you’re fortunate, some will even humor you with tales of the unexpected company you’ll have during bathroom breaks or the sharp decline in your personal grooming time. You’ll learn that yoga pants and a messy bun become your new uniform, especially when faced with the delightful reality of spit-up stains.
Yet, amidst all this chatter, the one truth that stands out—perhaps the most crucial of all—is that in this new role, you may lose a part of yourself.
In the whirlwind of shopping for onesies and stocking up on diapers, it’s easy to overlook how your identity might shift. While contemplating the future won’t alter what lies ahead, it’s undeniable: becoming a mother transforms you. It can empower you, yes, but it also quietly strips away some of the essential aspects of the person you once were.
You might find yourself ranking lower on your own priority list. Instead of being at the top, you may drift down to third, fourth, or even lower. If you plan to have multiple kids, just add yourself to the end of that list—you’ll soon find you come last.
Initially, this change may go unnoticed. You’ll be too consumed with feeding, burping, and the endless cycle of entertaining. On your toughest days, you’ll celebrate simply making it through, perhaps posting on social media about indulging in a much-deserved drink, only to find yourself dozing off on the couch instead of unwinding. When you finally wake up, disoriented and messy, you’ll shrug off those self-care plans you had in mind.
You’ll pour your heart into your children, engaging in countless games of peek-a-boo or train rides through the imaginary world. When you muster the energy to dress up, don’t be surprised if it leads to regret. And if luck is on your side and you emerge unscathed one day, don’t expect a repeat performance anytime soon.
You will find joy and fulfillment in your family. Celebrating milestones will fill you with pride, and you’ll cherish the moments as they grow older. Yet, there will come a day when you find yourself pacing with an inconsolable baby, humming softly to soothe them. In that moment, you might catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, and it may be the first time in ages that you truly see yourself—beyond the quick makeup routine done in a daze. The reflection staring back at you may be unrecognizable: the woman covered in spit-up, with disheveled hair, nursing breasts, and a body that feels foreign. The eyes will reveal a multitude of unexpressed thoughts and emotions.
But amidst the chaos, there’s hope. Over time, you’ll start to reclaim pieces of your former self as your children grow more independent. With their increasing autonomy, you’ll gain more freedom too—freedom to enjoy a drink, go on date nights, or have evenings out with friends without the constant ticking clock of childcare. The spit-up saga will eventually come to an end, allowing for a return to more adventurous wardrobe choices. With dedication and patience, you’ll reshape your body and regain pride in it, knowing it was the vessel that nurtured your little ones.
Your children will remain the heartbeat of your days, the reason you rise each morning, and the light that guides you. They will motivate you to rise after every stumble, and on the hardest days, they will be the few who make life feel worthwhile.
Take heart, dear mama. You will rediscover yourself, and the version of you that emerges will be more resilient and authentic than ever.
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