When I reflect on my 15-year-old daughter’s early days, I picture her as an exceptionally charming little one. Sure, she wasn’t the best sleeper, but overall, she was a pretty easygoing baby. As a toddler, I could set her down with a pile of board books, and she would page through them endlessly. Whenever someone asks about her early years, I describe her as sweet-natured, cooperative, and calm.
But, it turns out, that might not paint the full picture.
While skimming through a journal I kept during her infancy (the first child gets all the perks, right?), I stumbled upon this note: “This kid is the most strong-willed child I’ve ever met.” Really? My little angel had some devilish moments after all.
As I continued reading, I realized my recollection of her early years was far less accurate than I believed. Yes, she could be delightful, but she also had her share of meltdowns, was a significantly worse sleeper than I’d like to admit, and often flatly refused to comply. Flashbacks began to surface—like the times she wouldn’t stay still for diaper changes, the weeks she screeched in public for no reason, and those bleary-eyed days when I questioned whether anyone could survive on just two hours of sleep. I had conveniently erased those not-so-fun memories. It seems I developed a case of momnesia—an inability to remember specific details from my parenting journey.
We all know that motherhood can rewire your brain. Over time, those brain cells that are meant for long-term memory start to get repurposed for more pressing matters, like answering a toddler’s 627th question of the day or figuring out how to make it through the next grocery store trip without a meltdown. This leads to a lot of forgetfulness, both in the short and long term.
And yes, momnesia tends to amplify with each additional child. The chaotic early days of newborn demands and toddler tantrums tend to merge into a foggy memory of “Oh, the early years were tough.” If I hadn’t documented so much, I’d likely still be convinced my firstborn was an angel.
This is why I often question the accuracy of claims from parents of older kids who insist their children never acted out. “My kids never threw tantrums.” “My kids never came into our room at night.” “My children never begged for toys at the store.” Seriously? I find that hard to believe. Sure, there are rare exceptions where some kids might not engage in certain behaviors, but for the most part, us moms with older kids can’t fully trust our memories of their younger days.
Just like how women tend to forget the most painful aspects of childbirth, many moms block out the nitty-gritty details of those early parenting years. We view those times through a rosy lens, convinced we remember the tough moments, but the details are often hazy. It’s not like the mom who is currently navigating the challenges of nursing, holding, diapering, and sleepless nights remembers them in the same way as those who have emerged from those trenches.
So, if you’re a new mom, take our advice with a grain of salt. We may have some nuggets of wisdom, and while older moms can certainly be great sounding boards, don’t take it to heart if we claim our children were anomaly-free. Just nod along and remember that we likely have momnesia—we certainly won’t be recalling those details anytime soon. For more insights on parenting challenges, check out this blog post. And if you’re exploring options for at-home insemination, consider visiting Make A Mom for reliable at-home insemination kits. For further information on fertility, Women’s Health offers excellent resources.
In summary, while we may have valuable experiences to share, don’t take our memories of parenting an older child at face value. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, remember that you are not alone, and it’s perfectly normal to experience the chaos of motherhood.
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