As a soon-to-be parent, I dove headfirst into the world of parenting literature and advice long before my baby girl arrived last year. I’ve always had a penchant for research, and preparing for this monumental life change felt like undertaking a major project. Plus, my pregnancy was riddled with challenges that left me with plenty of time to read—time that’s now a luxury that I no longer have.
One recurring phrase I’ve encountered in the parenting discourse has increasingly bothered me: “It can be difficult.”
For example, “It can be difficult to navigate caring for a newborn while dealing with sleep deprivation.” Or, “If healthcare providers suggest supplementing, it can be difficult not knowing when your milk will come in.” My all-time least favorite is, “Sleep regressions can be difficult for everyone involved, but they won’t last forever!”
Let’s be honest for a moment: “It can be difficult” is perhaps the ultimate understatement. This phrase does not even skim the surface of the struggles and emotional turmoil that come with parenting. I’m not advocating for a constant focus on the negative—there are countless joys in parenthood worth celebrating—but when discussing the tough times, let’s be real about what we’re facing.
Because it’s not merely “difficult” to endure the third sleepless night or the fourth soiled onesie, it’s downright grueling. It’s an insult to those of us who are wrestling with these realities and a disservice to those who are about to embark on this journey.
Let’s set the record straight: it’s not that it can be difficult; it just is hard—truly, impossibly hard.
In the early hours, when you’re dragging your weary body from bed to crib, battling a chorus of wailing and a relentless ringing in your ears, you might feel like throwing in the towel. But instead, you muster the strength to comfort your child. You won’t be thinking of the word “difficult” in that moment.
And when morning comes, if you’re co-parenting, you’ll swap stories with your partner, realizing just how much sleep you both lost. You won’t describe your experience as “difficult.” Instead, you might use words like nightmare, hell, or despair, which come much closer to capturing the truth of the situation.
It’s clear we often downplay the real struggles of parenting due to the belief that these challenges are private matters. Sure, every family has its unique dynamics and experiences, but that shouldn’t prevent us from discussing the collective hardships we face. After all, new parents often feel isolated enough without the added burden of silence.
Here’s the reality: privacy can be isolating. It’s staring into the void at 3 AM, feeling utterly alone and thinking you’re the only one who has ever wished for a time machine to talk yourself out of having kids. Trust me, you’re not alone in that sentiment.
So, here’s a proposal: let’s stop saying “It can be difficult” and start saying, “It is completely impossible… but you will manage it somehow.” For example, “It is completely impossible to care for a newborn while suffering from sleep deprivation, but you’ll find a way.” Because, honestly, it is impossible—and yet, you will get through it.
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In summary, let’s ditch the euphemisms and acknowledge the real challenges of parenting. By doing so, we can foster a more honest, supportive community for new parents.
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