5 Ways I’m Teaching My Kids About Sexual Abuse

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I still can’t recall his name or see his face, but I can vividly remember how he loomed over me. I was just a child, maybe 9 or 10 years old, caught in a whirlwind of confusion at one of my mother’s many meetings in the early ’90s. Those gatherings were supposed to be a refuge for her as a newly single mom, but they introduced me to a reality I wasn’t prepared for.

While the adults engaged in their discussions, my sister and I were left in a room with other kids. It was a typical setting: laughter mingling with the sounds of a television in the background. But then there was him. He would tickle me, pressing me against the worn-out couch, and I felt trapped. At first, I thought it was harmless fun, until his fingers ventured to places they shouldn’t have. It took me a moment to realize that this was more than just playful tickling; it was a violation of my boundaries.

My mother had instilled in us a strong sense of body autonomy. She frequently reminded us that our bodies belonged to us and that no one should touch us in ways that felt uncomfortable. But at that moment, as a confused child, I was uncertain about what constituted “uncomfortable.” It wasn’t until the second incident that I understood: this wasn’t an accident, it was intentional.

She had always emphasized the importance of safety and communication. We were educated about potential dangers and how to recognize unsettling situations. From an early age, we learned the correct terminology for our bodies and understood the basics of reproduction. This foundational knowledge empowered me when I finally confided in my mother about what had happened. Her reaction was one of fierce protection and validation. She made me feel safe and proud for speaking up, reinforcing that I had done the right thing.

Now, as a mother of two boys, I strive to pass on that same wisdom. I want them to have a clear understanding of their bodies, respect for others’ boundaries, and the confidence to communicate openly. It’s crucial that we arm our children with knowledge so they can recognize inappropriate behavior and know that they have a safe space to report it.

Here are five strategies I’m using to educate my children about sexual abuse, drawn from my experiences and research on the subject:

1. Be Honest About Sex
   Start conversations early. My kids began learning about reproduction around age three. We explored how babies develop and discussed the roles of sperm and eggs. I aimed to demystify sex, presenting it as a natural act between consenting adults, free of shame. As they grow, I make sure to address media portrayals of sex and how they differ from reality.
2. Teach Them About Their Bodies
   Like my mother, I use precise language when discussing anatomy. It’s important that my children understand how their bodies function and recognize when something is wrong. They should know that certain areas of the body are private and that touching them can feel good, but it should be a private matter.
3. Clarify Boundaries
   It’s essential to explicitly discuss what constitutes a violation of personal space. I explain that only specific people, like doctors or parents, can touch their private areas in certain situations. They must know that any unwanted touching from others is never acceptable and they should speak up immediately.
4. Empower Their Choices
   Encourage your kids to assert control over their own bodies, whether it’s declining affection from relatives or stopping rough play. Establish a code word that signals when they want something to stop. Teach them to respect others’ boundaries, too, reinforcing mutual consent.
5. Keep the Dialogue Open
   Make communication a daily practice. I dedicate time each day to check in with my kids about their lives. I know my older son tends to open up during bedtime, so I ensure we have that moment together. Encourage discussions about feelings, normalizing all emotions, so they feel comfortable coming to me with any concerns, especially those related to abuse.

If your child ever expresses discomfort or shares a troubling experience, take them seriously. Investigate what they tell you, and if you suspect abuse, don’t hesitate to contact the authorities. Validate their feelings and ensure they know they have your unwavering support. It’s crucial to remove them from any harmful situations and make sure they never have to face their abuser again.

By keeping these conversations ongoing and transparent, we can help our children feel empowered and informed. This proactive approach can make a significant difference in their lives.

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Summary:

Educating children about sexual abuse is essential for their safety. Open conversations about sex, body autonomy, and boundaries can empower them to recognize and report inappropriate behavior. By fostering an environment of trust and communication, parents can help their children navigate difficult situations with confidence.