The transformation in my marriage since welcoming our two daughters is unmistakable. Our focus is now split among our little ones, each vying for our attention. Time seems to slip through our fingers, patience wears thin, and the exhaustion is palpable.
At first glance, love after children can feel a bit worn, reminiscent of a flat soda left out on the counter. Yet, while the thrill of new love may have faded, what emerges is a deeper, more fulfilling connection—like a fine wine that has matured beautifully over the years.
Before kids, love was all about leisurely Saturday night outings and indulgent Sunday mornings spent snuggled in bed. Now, it often means planning a date night for weeks, only to end up eating takeout on the couch while binge-watching our favorite series because the sitter canceled or one of the kids came down with a cold.
Before kids, public displays of affection (PDA) were about dancing close at a lively bar or stealing kisses in dimly lit corners. Now, it’s about swaying together in the kitchen on a Friday night, stealing a quick kiss or playful tap before the kids shout, “Eww! Gross!”
Once upon a time, love involved heartfelt Hallmark cards filled with passionate love letters. Nowadays, it’s a simple note on the nightstand saying, “I took the kids for donuts so you could sleep in,” or a quick text saying, “I’ll handle the laundry tonight.”
Before children, intimacy was spontaneous and adventurous, akin to an endurance sport. Post-kids, it’s more like a swift moment in the bathroom while the kids are preoccupied with their video games.
In the days before children, love meant long runs together followed by a pit stop at the health food store for kale smoothies. Now, it’s about dropping the kids off at the gym’s childcare, enjoying a moment of peace in the sauna, and pretending we had a workout.
Arguments used to be intense, with fiery exchanges followed by reconciliations that reaffirmed our commitment to each other. Now, they often go unresolved for days, as we’re too worn out to revisit the issue, and by then, we forget what the fight was about. A simple kiss becomes our way of making up, grounded in the understanding that both our hearts are in the right place.
Once, we cherished our own bathrooms, but now it’s about graciously sharing one cramped space, allowing each other a moment of privacy—even amidst the chaos of parenting.
Before kids, I thought my partner would be a fantastic father. Now, I see firsthand that he truly is one.
The conversations that once revolved around politics and pop culture have shifted to discussing educational funds and which children’s show is more irritating.
Sunday afternoons spent on the couch with snacks are now filled with cheering at our daughter’s basketball game, then racing to our son’s hockey match so that my husband can enjoy some downtime with friends.
Dreaming about our future used to occupy long talks, but now quick texts about who’s picking the kids up from daycare fill our days.
Despite these changes, our love is still anchored in forgiveness, hope, fun, hard work, friendship, and an unwavering faith in each other.
Before kids, we were simply two individuals in love. After kids, we are two partners who have built a family while remaining deeply in love. For more insights on parenting and relationships, check out some of our other blog posts, like this one on how love evolves. If you’re considering family planning options, you might find these at-home insemination kits helpful. Additionally, for valuable resources on pregnancy and home insemination, visit CCRM IVF’s blog.
In summary, love transforms significantly after children, evolving from romantic gestures to practical expressions of care, all while maintaining a core of deep affection.
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