There’s a version of me that feels real—the one I see when I wake each morning, bleary-eyed and barely awake, staring into the mirror with an expression that lacks inspiration. Then there’s my edited self, who emerges from the chaos, cleverly concealing the scars and gray hairs beneath a pleasant façade. This is the persona I present to the world.
Since stepping into the role of motherhood, I’ve felt an overwhelming urge to portray myself as the idealized version of a parent—happier, more successful, and better adjusted than the person I often am behind closed doors. This inner conflict has been weighing on me, prompting me to lay it all bare. Here’s how my edited self differs from my true self:
Nutrition
My edited self champions the importance of a nutritious diet, promoting a colorful plate filled with fruits, vegetables, and those fancy grains I can barely pronounce. Meanwhile, my real self sometimes survives on an 80% chocolate and coffee diet, supplemented by whatever cookies I can scrounge.
Parenting Techniques
While my edited self eagerly shares insights on peaceful parenting, claiming to embrace these modern methods, my true self often struggles to maintain composure during my child’s tantrums, my voice betraying my frustration.
Social Interactions
In social settings, my edited self appears confident and engaging when meeting fellow parents at the playground or birthday parties. In stark contrast, my true self feels out of place, like I’m back in high school, nervously trying to fit in with the “cool moms.”
Germ Anxiety
My edited self takes a laid-back approach to germs, acting unfazed when my child picks up a gummy bear from the gym floor or tries to lick the walls at the pediatrician’s office. My true self, however, quietly spirals into panic, frantically Googling worst-case scenarios.
Grief and Loss
Though my edited self projects a sense of acceptance regarding my mother’s passing, my true self longs for her guidance and knows that some wounds will never fully heal.
Identity Beyond Parenting
My edited self boasts a fulfilling life outside of parenting, but my true self frequently grapples with the remnants of my pre-kid identity and worries about who I’ll be as my children grow more independent.
Family Activities
In family activities, my edited self engages in enriching experiences, like library storytime and arts and crafts. Yet, my real self often finds it difficult to be present, distracted by my phone and to-do lists.
Self-Criticism
I readily advise friends to be gentle with themselves over parenting slip-ups, yet my true self tends to be harshly critical and prone to emotional hangovers when I make mistakes.
While it might seem easier to navigate the world as an improved version of myself, I’m coming to realize that we miss out on something crucial when we keep our true selves hidden away. Parenting is a shared journey, and the more we connect authentically, the more we recognize that everyone is facing their own set of challenges.
Support and understanding flow more freely when we show up as our true selves. Despite our differences, we all share the common bond of loving our children and can’t imagine life without them—and that connection is undeniably real.
If you’re looking for more insights on navigating the complexities of parenthood, check out this other blog post. And for those considering at-home insemination, Make a Mom offers a reputable selection of kits to assist you. Additionally, Resolve is an excellent resource for understanding pregnancy and home insemination options.
In summary, embracing our authentic selves and sharing our imperfect journeys can foster deeper connections among parents, reminding us that we are not alone in our struggles and joys.
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