“Excuse me, could I please have a caramel macchiato—venti, skim, extra shot, extra hot, extra whip, sugar-free?”
That was the customer ahead of me, sounding a bit over-the-top. I, on the other hand, opted for two kiddie hot chocolates with generous whipped cream, making sure to use my politest tone and smile at the cheerful barista. But just five minutes later, I found myself raising my voice at my daughters for squabbling over the whipped cream. It’s funny how we often feel it’s inappropriate to express frustration in public, yet it’s all too easy to unleash it on those closest to us, especially our children.
Why is it that we reserve our warmest smiles for strangers while sometimes being less kind to our own kids? Shouldn’t the little bits of kindness we can muster go to the ones we love the most? It’s a cycle I catch myself in often, and I wonder why we feel it’s acceptable to show our true feelings to our children when they are the ones who deserve our best.
The truth is, we sometimes vent our frustrations on those we feel safest with, believing they can handle it without repercussions to our public image. While it’s human to feel overwhelmed, we must be more mindful about how we express our feelings to our children. It’s not about being rude to a cashier when we’re feeling down, but it’s essential to remember that our children absorb everything we say. My daughter still recalls the time I expressed indifference to her outfit choice after she rejected my suggestions multiple times. “I can’t believe I have a mom who would talk to me like that,” she reminded me—every word sticks with them.
No matter what we’re grappling with in our lives, it’s crucial to protect our kids from our stress. If you’re running low on positive energy for the day, that little bit should be reserved for them, not for strangers.
Recently, I had a wake-up call when I came across an art project my daughter had created, illustrating the emotions she associates with the people in her life. My section was filled with joy, but there was also a hint of purple, representing fear. It struck me that my daughter felt some fear around me.
While some might argue that a bit of fear is necessary for discipline, I believe in fostering respect rather than fear. I grew up in an environment where I didn’t always feel secure, and I want to create a safe haven for my kids. When I asked her what made her feel scared, she responded with, “When you yell.” I could have easily defended myself, saying I only raise my voice after repeated requests, but at the end of the day, her feelings are what matter most.
I know I won’t always have the patience of a saint, especially in a household with four kids who often don’t hear me. I recognize that sometimes it’s necessary to be firm. However, I can strive to be more aware of my reactions in those moments when I’m not at my best. For instance, when I’ve had a long day and one of them asks to play a game, it’s easy to respond with irritation instead of joy.
What I need to do is find ways to keep my negative mood from affecting them. This might mean putting on a slightly grumpy face while I handle errands or taking a moment to recharge in a quiet space before engaging with them again. Whatever it takes, I want to ensure that my children receive the best of me, even on my worst days.
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In summary, it’s vital to prioritize our children’s emotional well-being, especially during challenging days. By being more mindful and intentional about our interactions, we can foster a loving and supportive environment for them to thrive in.
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