From a young age, I’ve held a strong belief that parenthood isn’t for me. Baby dolls always gave me the creeps, and real babies? Well, they just seemed like tiny, wailing, pooping aliens. Whenever I expressed this sentiment to my parents, they would reassure me, “You’ll change your mind.” But here I am at 25, and my stance remains unchanged.
The allure of children simply doesn’t resonate with me. Sure, I adore animals, but human infants feel more like a burdensome adventure than a joyful experience. I’ve read enough articles to comprehend the overwhelming stress that comes with raising children, not to mention the challenges of pregnancy and childbirth — all to bring a human into the world who might not even like you. Quite frankly, it feels like a gamble I’m not willing to take.
Moreover, I recognize that I wouldn’t excel as a parent. I struggle with the idea of being tied down to others’ needs. Even after hosting friends for a weekend, I relish the moment I can bid them farewell. I even felt a tinge of annoyance toward my pet gerbils for their nightly wheel-running antics. Call it selfish, but my freedom to pursue my own interests whenever I wish is vital to my well-being and productivity. I’m deeply passionate about my career and often work late into the night and on weekends. My work is my pride and joy — it’s my version of a baby, minus the crying and diaper changes.
Despite my disinterest in kids, people often assume I must adore them. In casual chats, friends frequently pose questions like “What names do you have in mind for your future kids?” or “How many children do you envision?” Their shocked expressions when I respond with “none” are almost comical. Parents with children who invade my personal space on public transport often cast knowing smiles, as if I should feel honored by their germs. I can’t help but think that if I were a man, society wouldn’t hold me to such expectations.
I hope the men I date won’t make the assumption that all women have a natural affinity for children. In the past, I didn’t consider my lack of desire for kids when deciding on relationships. I thought perhaps I might change my mind, or that my partner would feel differently, and anyway, we probably wouldn’t stay together long enough for that discussion. However, after witnessing several friends’ relationships crumble over differing views about children, I’ve concluded that dating someone who wants kids would be a waste of time. I would only be delaying the inevitable breakup.
Discussing children on a first date can be awkward, but thankfully, some dating platforms allow users to indicate their preferences regarding kids, which makes things easier. I haven’t yet figured out a smooth way to address this topic in real life, but I’ll be sure to share any breakthroughs.
There was a time I toyed with the idea of compromising if I found an otherwise perfect partner who insisted on having children. However, I quickly dismissed that thought. I can’t sacrifice my comfort to meet someone else’s desires. Even if adoption were on the table, I still wouldn’t be cut out for parenting. That’s perfectly okay — I excel in other areas, like that game where you have to sing songs based on a word someone shouts.
A conversation with a friend dealing with a difficult mother made it clear to me that having children should be a genuine desire. She told me, “I don’t think my mom ever wanted kids. She just had them because that’s what society expects, and now she resents me for it.” I refuse to be a mother who harbors resentment, and for me, that means choosing not to be a mother at all.
As more individuals opt out of traditional family-building, it’s becoming increasingly evident that having children isn’t the only route to a fulfilling life. The world is already filled with children, so the only people who should become parents are those who genuinely want to — the ones who cherished babysitting, dreamed of teaching, and possess that deep-rooted passion for nurturing the next generation.
As for me, I’ve successfully raised three gerbils to adulthood, so I think it might be time to consider a cat. I wouldn’t mind being the fun aunt, either; you get to hand the kids back to their parents after a visit, all while still enjoying the comforts of your own space. Parenting is a lifelong commitment, and I deeply respect those who choose it. However, I understand it’s not for everyone, and I know it’s certainly not for me.
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In summary, my choice not to have kids stems from a deep understanding of my own desires and limitations. I cherish my freedom and fully respect the responsibilities that come with parenthood, recognizing that it’s simply not my path.
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