As a mother who has embraced the journey of adoption, I know firsthand the importance of feeling included in conversations about motherhood. During my time waiting for my children, I often found myself on the sidelines while friends discussed topics like pregnancy cravings, birthing plans, and nursery decor. Although I celebrated their joys, I couldn’t help but wish for a deeper connection. Friends typically want to be supportive but may not know how to bridge that gap.
Whether your friend is welcoming a baby through birth or adoption, here are five thoughtful questions to ask:
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How Are You Really Feeling?
Checking in with your friend about her emotional and physical well-being is crucial. New moms, regardless of how their baby arrives, can face significant emotional hurdles, such as postpartum or post-adoption depression. If she opens up about her feelings, make sure to follow up with the next question. -
How Can I Support You?
While it’s common to hear the phrase, “Let me know if you need anything,” it’s often more helpful to be proactive. If your friend seems overwhelmed but says she’s fine, take the initiative. Surprise her with a coffee, offer a few hours of babysitting, or help with meal prep. Little gestures can make a big difference. -
Would You Like Me to Organize a Baby Shower?
Every expectant mother deserves a moment in the spotlight, regardless of her path to motherhood. Today’s baby showers can be creative and inclusive, moving beyond traditional games and cakes. If your friend is adopting, consider planning a celebration after the baby’s arrival, allowing her to enjoy the moment fully. -
Have You Chosen a Name or Decor?
Engage with your friend’s excitement by asking about her preferences for baby names, nursery themes, or even pediatricians. This is the perfect opportunity to share your favorite local pediatrician or offer to accompany her shopping for baby essentials. Every mother appreciates having cheerleaders in her corner. -
What Are You Most Looking Forward To?
While the journey to motherhood is filled with challenges, it’s also brimming with joy. Help your friend focus on the positives—whether it’s enjoying a glass of wine post-birth or cherishing quiet moments with her new baby. A thoughtful gift, like a bottle of her favorite wine or a book on parenting, can show your support and excitement for her new adventure.
Being a true friend means being there through the ups and downs, not just in the early days after the baby arrives but throughout the first year and beyond. It involves asking meaningful questions, listening with compassion, and offering support even when it’s not explicitly requested.
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Summary:
Engaging with an expecting friend, whether through birth or adoption, requires thoughtful questions that promote connection and support. By checking in on their feelings, offering specific help, and celebrating their experiences, you can strengthen your friendship and provide meaningful encouragement.
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