Motherhood has bestowed a myriad of titles upon me: chef, chauffeur, personal therapist, referee in sibling showdowns, and, of course, the one I never saw coming—hypocrite. As the proud mother of two not-so-little teenagers and a pre-teen who’s speeding toward those teen years, I find myself caught in a whirlwind of double standards. My kids are like hawks, spotting any inconsistency in my parenting with their notorious eye rolls and snarky comments. Here are just a few ways I’ve become the queen of hypocrisy…
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Expectations vs. Reality
I firmly believe my kids should manage their belongings. I mean, they’re not toddlers anymore; a little responsibility wouldn’t hurt. Yet, ten times a day, I hear, “Mom, where are my shoes?” or “Did you see my karate uniform?” and I always reply, “It’s not my job to track your stuff!” (Mom of the Year here, right?) But when it comes to my own belongings, especially my car keys, chaos reigns. I’m perpetually losing them! Just last week, in a frenzy to leave the house, I asked the kids if they’d seen my keys, only to hear my son mumble, “It’s not my responsibility to find your crap.” The eye rolls were mutual. -
Portion Control, Anyone?
I’m all about teaching moderation. If the back of the Oreo package says three cookies are a serving, then that’s all they get. I know, I sound like the meanest mom ever! But if I didn’t enforce this rule, we’d have a cookie crisis on our hands. Meanwhile, once the kids are in bed, I’m happily pouring myself a third glass of wine. But hey, it doesn’t count as hypocrisy if no one catches me… right? -
Manners Matter
I constantly lecture my kids on the importance of politeness. “Be courteous, it separates us from the animals!” I declare. Yet, the minute someone cuts me off in traffic, I unleash a torrent of colorful language at the driver of the BMW. Oops! -
Pick Up After Yourself
With a family of six, I always stress the importance of tidiness. If everyone left their things lying around, our house would be in utter chaos! So, I insist they put away their toys, laundry, and craft supplies. Meanwhile, my socks are still on the floor from two days ago, and clean clothes are strewn about like confetti—all in the name of “working mom chaos.” -
Screen Time Restrictions
I frequently remind my children that there are far better ways to spend their time than watching TV. “Get outside! Read a book!” I insist. However, I’ve been known to refresh my Facebook feed six times before 3 PM. Those Grumpy Cat memes are simply irresistible! -
Social Media Savvy
I caution my teens about the permanence of social media. “Think before you post! Once it’s out there, it’s there forever!” I say. Yet here I am, writing a mom blog for a living. The irony isn’t lost on me!
In conclusion, it seems that while I’m busy doling out life lessons, I’m also keeping a few secrets of my own. If you’re in the same boat, know that you’re not alone!
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