Parenting
I had been forewarned by those who had navigated this territory before me: “One day, they’ll ask.” “She’ll have questions.” “You need to be ready.” And so, on a seemingly ordinary car ride home from dinner, the moment arrived — a robust discussion with my son about a topic I had been dreading.
Our evening began in a relaxed manner. After a family event, my partner and I took our kids to one of our favorite spots (which really meant we enjoyed martinis while the kids indulged in fried food and dessert). We were laughing, socializing with familiar faces, and enjoying the cozy atmosphere. Little did I know that my son was silently harboring questions that would soon erupt during our drive home.
Since we took two cars, my son chose to ride with me. In hindsight, that should have been a red flag. As soon as I pulled away from the curb, he hit me with a bombshell: a sexting scandal had unfolded at school, and he was troubled.
Let me reiterate: my 12-year-old son was upset about a sexting incident. Twelve. He hasn’t even crossed into “teen” territory yet. Thankfully, he wasn’t involved, but he was distressed about the fallout for those who were and the implications of such actions. He wanted to know what he should do if he ever received inappropriate texts and why kids would engage in such behavior. Heavy stuff, especially since I was driving, navigating through dark country roads without my partner as backup.
Honestly, I felt blindsided. The deer we passed on the road seemed less startled than I was as I processed my son’s inquiries. But I made a choice: I would keep driving and take the longest route home. My tween was opening up about sex, and I couldn’t let this opportunity slip away. I wasn’t sure when — or if — it would happen again.
As our discussion transitioned from sexting, he timidly added, “I have one more question.” I braced myself, knowing the tone of his voice meant something significant. “What’s that, buddy?” I asked.
“Well, some boys are talking about something called ‘blow work.’ It’s like a job that involves blowing. What does that mean?”
There I was, in a car, faced with a direct question about a sexual act from my 12-year-old. As the seconds ticked by, I contemplated my options: Should I gloss over it? Should I pull over and call my partner for support? In the midst of gripping the steering wheel, I decided to be honest.
I explained it to him, just as they would in a sex education class. His expression quickly morphed into one of shock. As he processed the information, I took it a step further, emphasizing that intimacy in a committed relationship should be mutual. If he found himself alone with a girl, it should be an experience for both — it’s never okay for one person to take without giving. “If you receive one, you give one,” I said firmly. Because no future daughter-in-law of mine should ever question why her partner is selfish.
To my surprise, many of my friends reacted with shock upon hearing this story. Some said I was too open with my son about sex, while others claimed I was inviting trouble by discussing specifics with him. Yet, I stand firm in my belief that honesty fosters an environment where he feels comfortable returning to me with questions. In that moment, he trusted me, and I owed him the same honesty.
Because let’s be real: If you understand it, you share it.
For more insights on navigating similar conversations, check out our other post here.
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In summary, open conversations about sensitive topics are essential for fostering trust and understanding in parent-child relationships. By being transparent, we not only provide answers but also create a safe space for ongoing dialogue.
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