When my husband Ethan was a child, his mother was the primary provider while his father faced a stretch of unemployment. For his mom, these years are a point of pride, showcasing her determination and hard work. However, his dad jokingly refers to his time at home as “the time I babysat Ethan.” This notion is not just amusing; it’s downright maddening. The idea that when a father handles day-to-day parenting, it’s merely babysitting is absurd. Mothers nurture, while fathers babysit? I don’t think so. It’s a whole different ball game when my husband is caring for our child.
Real-Life Examples
Let me share a few examples. Just last Saturday, I had an important project due before noon. Ethan willingly took charge of our 16-month-old while I focused on my work. Before long, who shows up back upstairs but our little one, fork in hand and ready for some fun. I discovered Ethan sound asleep on the couch. Is that the behavior of a babysitter? Absolutely not. I’d have to let that babysitter go.
When our babysitter arrives, she comes equipped with a treasure trove of activities for my son. Meanwhile, when Ethan is in charge, they’re off to the hardware store for light bulbs. The babysitter cleans up after lunch; Ethan, on the other hand, once took the batteries out of the smoke alarms after a pizza disaster. A babysitter dismantling home safety equipment? That would raise some red flags.
The babysitter ensures our child is bathed and dressed in pajamas for bedtime. Ethan, however, often puts our son to bed in the same clothes he wore all day, sticky hands and all. If a babysitter did that, I assure you, they wouldn’t be invited back.
While the babysitter soothes our little one with lullabies and cuddles, Ethan has no qualms about letting him roll around on the floor of the lumber aisle in Home Depot. I wouldn’t be charmed if a babysitter took such liberties.
When the baby is under the weather, the babysitter follows my instructions for medication and keeps me updated. Ethan, however, thinks a trip to the mall is just what the doctor ordered. I’d have notes for that babysitter!
The babysitter teaches our son how to properly wash his hands, while Ethan finds joy in flushing the toilet—constantly. Not quite the skill set I’d look for in a caregiver.
The babysitter takes advantage of nap time to tidy up and relax, but Ethan prefers to tackle yard work. While I appreciate the effort, I’d prefer a babysitter to stay inside with the sleeping baby.
And of course, the babysitter is compensated for her work, while Ethan enjoys the delight of a happy child and a loving partner—no paycheck required.
Conclusion
Would I hire Ethan to look after our child? Absolutely not. His carefree and reckless parenting style isn’t aligned with mine or the babysitter’s. He doesn’t “mother,” nor does he fit the mold of a typical babysitter, so let’s put an end to that terminology.
Truth be told, it frustrates me to see him so laid-back, and I wish he could share my constant worries for our child’s safety. I often wish he would approach parenting like I do—wrapped in bubble wrap, playing only with foam blocks, and always safe.
In my experience, fathers might not make the best babysitters, but they can be incredible dads. Ultimately, I believe that my child benefits equally from being “fathered” as he does from being mothered or babysat. The trips to the hardware store in footie pajamas and the carefree moments they share outweigh the questionable food choices. And even if our son tumbles off a slide while fighting a slight fever, he’ll know his father loves him and will protect him in ways only a dad can.
When I step away, I may worry, but Ethan and our son will be busy laughing, exploring the outdoors, and enjoying life’s little adventures. They’ll create memories that include too many spicy foods, spontaneous water fights, and the occasional scraped knee. When I return, I’ll wash those little hands and kiss those scrapes, and we’ll all be better for it.
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In summary, while my husband may not fit the traditional babysitter mold, his unique brand of fatherhood brings invaluable experiences to our child’s life.
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