Did I…
- Lock the door?
- Grab the sippy cup?
- Take my keys?
- Unplug the straightener?
- Remember my wallet?
- Pack snacks?
- Include a change of clothes?
I check my pockets for my keys, rummage through the bag for the sippy cup, clothes, snacks, and wallet. I hop out of the car to double-check the front door. It’s locked. It always is. I unlock it, dash to the bathroom, and confirm that the outlet is unplugged. Yes, it is. I rush back outside, lock the door again, and make it halfway to the car before I turn around to verify that the door is indeed locked. It is—again.
Did I…
- Send his favorite shoes?
- Include his toy cars?
- Text to check in on him?
- Leave his sippy cup in the car?
During my lunch break, I make a quick trip to the parking lot to search for shoes, toy cars, and the sippy cup. None are visible. Success! I check my messages and realize I haven’t reached out yet, worried about being that “helicopter mom.” I decide it’s time for a quick text anyway. I periodically check my phone, listening for that notification, because let’s face it, all moms hover in their own ways.
Did I…
- Send that last important email?
- Turn off my office light?
- Extinguish the candle?
- Inform my manager about my late arrival tomorrow?
I replay the last few minutes of work in my mind, visualizing myself switching off the light and sending a text to my coworker to ensure the candle was blown out. I hope I sent that email, dwell on it, and finally accept that I’m uncertain about it. I resolve to check first thing tomorrow. I shoot a quick text to my manager reminding him of my tardiness.
Did I…
- Check on him in his crib?
- Ensure he’s breathing fine?
- Inspect his limbs to make sure nothing is stuck in the bars?
- Pack his bag for tomorrow?
- Prepare his juice sippy?
- Play with him enough?
- Kiss him enough?
- Express my love adequately?
I rise from my laundry sorting, quietly open his door, and shine a flashlight on his chest to ensure he’s breathing. He’s fine. His hands are above his head, no danger there. I notice a foot wedged between the bars, so I tiptoe in and gently reposition it. I hold my breath as he shifts, nearly getting it caught again. I tiptoe back down the hall and resume sorting laundry.
I replay our tickle fest, dancing to “Ring Around the Rosie,” smiling as I match socks and remember those sweet kisses I stole while he drifted off to sleep. I remind myself that as a mom, my love is always enough, even when I doubt it. I finish the laundry, crawl into bed, and say my prayers.
Did I lock the door? I throw the covers aside, tiptoe to the living room, and check the door. It’s locked. It’s always locked.
I return to bed, take a deep breath, and try to get some sleep for another day of “Did I…?”
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Summary:
Every day, moms face countless worries, from checking that doors are locked to ensuring that their children have everything they need. The internal dialogue of a mother often revolves around questions of adequacy and love. Amidst the chaos, it’s vital to remember that love is never in question, even on the busiest days.
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