Mom’s Dilemma: Did I Do Enough Today?

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Did I…

  • Lock the door?
  • Grab the sippy cup?
  • Take my keys?
  • Unplug the straightener?
  • Remember my wallet?
  • Pack snacks?
  • Include a change of clothes?

I check my pockets for my keys, rummage through the bag for the sippy cup, clothes, snacks, and wallet. I hop out of the car to double-check the front door. It’s locked. It always is. I unlock it, dash to the bathroom, and confirm that the outlet is unplugged. Yes, it is. I rush back outside, lock the door again, and make it halfway to the car before I turn around to verify that the door is indeed locked. It is—again.

Did I…

  • Send his favorite shoes?
  • Include his toy cars?
  • Text to check in on him?
  • Leave his sippy cup in the car?

During my lunch break, I make a quick trip to the parking lot to search for shoes, toy cars, and the sippy cup. None are visible. Success! I check my messages and realize I haven’t reached out yet, worried about being that “helicopter mom.” I decide it’s time for a quick text anyway. I periodically check my phone, listening for that notification, because let’s face it, all moms hover in their own ways.

Did I…

  • Send that last important email?
  • Turn off my office light?
  • Extinguish the candle?
  • Inform my manager about my late arrival tomorrow?

I replay the last few minutes of work in my mind, visualizing myself switching off the light and sending a text to my coworker to ensure the candle was blown out. I hope I sent that email, dwell on it, and finally accept that I’m uncertain about it. I resolve to check first thing tomorrow. I shoot a quick text to my manager reminding him of my tardiness.

Did I…

  • Check on him in his crib?
  • Ensure he’s breathing fine?
  • Inspect his limbs to make sure nothing is stuck in the bars?
  • Pack his bag for tomorrow?
  • Prepare his juice sippy?
  • Play with him enough?
  • Kiss him enough?
  • Express my love adequately?

I rise from my laundry sorting, quietly open his door, and shine a flashlight on his chest to ensure he’s breathing. He’s fine. His hands are above his head, no danger there. I notice a foot wedged between the bars, so I tiptoe in and gently reposition it. I hold my breath as he shifts, nearly getting it caught again. I tiptoe back down the hall and resume sorting laundry.

I replay our tickle fest, dancing to “Ring Around the Rosie,” smiling as I match socks and remember those sweet kisses I stole while he drifted off to sleep. I remind myself that as a mom, my love is always enough, even when I doubt it. I finish the laundry, crawl into bed, and say my prayers.

Did I lock the door? I throw the covers aside, tiptoe to the living room, and check the door. It’s locked. It’s always locked.

I return to bed, take a deep breath, and try to get some sleep for another day of “Did I…?”

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Summary:

Every day, moms face countless worries, from checking that doors are locked to ensuring that their children have everything they need. The internal dialogue of a mother often revolves around questions of adequacy and love. Amidst the chaos, it’s vital to remember that love is never in question, even on the busiest days.


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