Parenting
What They Don’t Share About Being a Dad
By Jordan Miller
Updated: Jan. 4, 2023
Originally Published: June 17, 2022
Allow me to share an experience that often goes unmentioned when discussing fatherhood. First, let’s acknowledge some commonly shared insights about welcoming a baby into your life:
- Caring for a newborn can feel overwhelming, and you might find yourself covered in baby powder while navigating unexpected messes.
- Your priorities will shift significantly. Say goodbye to spontaneous outings with friends and late-night movies—unless they’re classics like Titanic.
- You may find yourself taking a backseat in many aspects of your life, as your needs become secondary.
- The idea of being a “cool dad”—the one who takes your child to the park or gets matching nail art—can seem appealing, but the reality often includes moments of chaos.
- Your intimate life may take a hit, at least temporarily.
However, many of these notions are exaggerated or misleading. While the initial adjustment can be challenging, you will find a rhythm and can still carve out time for social activities or personal interests. Your needs do matter; they just require patience to address. The concept of being a “cool dad” fades as you realize that your child’s happiness takes precedence, and those seemingly perfect moments often come with tantrums just moments later. And yes, intimacy will return to your life.
Yet, what I recently experienced highlights a crucial aspect of fatherhood that is rarely discussed—one that reshapes your entire existence in ways you cannot fully understand until you are living it. Let me elaborate.
My twin daughters were born in April, making me the father of three children, all aged two and under. Interestingly, my daughters were initially expected to arrive in June, leading to a six-week stay in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) as they gradually became stronger. After anxiously waiting, Hannah came home first, followed a week later by Quinn. It was a relief to finally have all three children under one roof. However, that relief was short-lived.
Just a week and a half later, as my wife and I were preparing for bed, we noticed Quinn appeared unusually pale and lethargic. Within the hour, she was receiving CPR in the emergency room after her breathing had stopped. Shortly after, she was intubated and taken by helicopter to a specialized children’s hospital. We learned she had pneumonia combined with a cold—a dangerous mix for a six-pound infant. Hannah had the same illness but was recovering without issue.
We spent countless hours at Quinn’s bedside, watching her tiny form surrounded by tubes and wires. That experience underscored a fundamental truth: when you witness your baby’s pain, when you see their tears during difficult procedures, and when you grapple with the fragility of life, you understand that fatherhood transcends mere titles or casual conversations. It’s a profound and life-altering role.
Fatherhood imbues your life with a purpose that surpasses anything you have previously experienced. This new role is vital because someone else relies on you entirely. You will discover that the mental barriers you once faced regarding personal sacrifices become insignificant when compared to your child’s needs. This realization can emerge without a crisis; it may occur during a simple moment when your child smiles at you for the first time or reaches out for comfort.
As Father’s Day approaches on June 21, take a moment to reflect on this profound journey. Whether you are early in your fatherhood experience or have been navigating it for years, embrace the significance of being a dad—it’s truly remarkable.
By the way, my daughter Quinn has since returned home, and now all three kids are happily together. What a wonderful Father’s Day gift for me.
For more insights on parenthood and related topics, check out this post on home insemination. Additionally, if you’re considering starting a family, Make A Mom offers excellent resources on fertility kits. For further information on pregnancy and related procedures, NHS is an invaluable source.
Summary
Fatherhood is a transformative experience that brings profound purpose and responsibility to your life. While the journey may be filled with challenges, the joys and rewards of being a dad far outweigh them. Embrace your role and the unique bond you share with your children.