Dear Stay-at-Home Mom,
If you’re reading this, you might be feeling overwhelmed and at your breaking point. Perhaps you’re pulling at your damp hair while frantically searching the web for someone who can relate to your experiences. And if today has been particularly rough, you might even be yanking at hair that hasn’t seen a wash in days. There could be tears in your weary eyes and stains on your shirt, yet here you are, wide awake, yearning for connection or wisdom about parenting—anything deeper than “What kind of stroller do you have?” or “Is your baby sleeping through the night?” Like me, you may be hoping to discover that you’re not alone in this chaotic journey.
I can’t claim to have all the answers. What I can assure you is that you are not alone.
I understand that being a stay-at-home mom is no walk in the park. It can be isolating and, at times, profoundly lonely. You’re surrounded by your little one, yet that doesn’t always fill the void. I’ve had days where I roam the aisles of the grocery store, wishing for just a smile from a stranger, hoping it might lead to a real conversation.
You’re probably tired of hearing how blessed or fortunate you are. Those statements don’t help—they often deepen that nagging mommy guilt that lurks in the background, making you question why you don’t feel blessed all the time.
I recognize that staying home isn’t always a choice. People say, “How wonderful that you can be with your child! I wish I could!” But child care isn’t cheap, and sometimes it just doesn’t make financial sense to work outside the home; many salaries merely cover the cost of child care and commuting. I get it.
I know you rarely enjoy a hot cup of coffee and seldom have a proper shower. Nap time isn’t about relaxing; it’s a race against the clock to pay bills, wash dishes, tidy up, prepare dinner, or even tackle that toilet issue that’s been lingering since morning. Any hope of sneaking a snack often coincides with the dreaded “I’m awake!” sounds blaring from the baby monitor.
I’m aware that many people joke about your situation, belittling the hard work you put in, or envying your ability to lounge in pajamas at 2 p.m. on a Tuesday. You might laugh along, masking the frustration bubbling inside you—the anger at their ignorance about the effort you pour into motherhood and what their own mothers likely did for them. Deep down, you might be crying.
This is why you might hesitate to ask for help. You worry that your needs aren’t significant enough or fear that you’re failing.
But let me remind you: you are not a failure.
Have you been told how incredible you are, both as a mom and as an individual? Seriously, you mean the world to your little one(s). You are their chef, their teacher, their playmate, their confidant, their protector, their go-to for laughter, and most importantly, their mom. While being a stay-at-home mom may feel thankless, what you do is remarkable, and you deserve to take pride in that.
Some may suggest picking up a hobby or seeking a break if you’re feeling dissatisfied in your new role, but I understand it’s not that straightforward. There are practical concerns, like finances and child care, and emotional ones—like feeling too guilty to step away when your child reaches for you, crying “Mama!” as you try to leave. Even the best of plans can crumble due to unforeseen circumstances (thanks to the pesky pinkeye that kept my feisty toddler home today!).
You are not a bad person for missing those rare moments of silence during rush hour, for wishing for a “screw you!” glance from a fellow driver. It’s completely normal to mourn the person you were before parenthood, before you became “so-and-so’s mom.” You aren’t alone in questioning your decision to become a parent. Trust me, I’ve been there too. There have been days when I regretted having my child, and those feelings left me feeling like a failure. But those thoughts don’t define you; they’re part of the reality of parenting.
It’s not all gloom and doom. You know there are extraordinary moments that make it all worthwhile, but you don’t need me to remind you of that. I cherish my daughter’s first giggle and her initial steps. I treasure our morning banana shares and nighttime cookie moments, storytime, and spontaneous dance parties, which are often missed by working moms. But acknowledging that you have bad days or feelings of frustration is essential; you don’t need to punish yourself for feeling anything less than euphoric.
What’s vital to hear—what all parents need to acknowledge—is that it’s perfectly fine to let the dishes pile up. It’s acceptable to feel resentment toward your partner who has a life outside the home. It’s okay to despise those silly children’s songs—I, for one, wish that the wheels on that annoying bus would just fall off. It’s alright to miss the person you used to be. Everything changes when you become a mom, and when you’re at home, it can seem like there’s nothing left of you outside of that role.
These are the unspoken truths that need to be voiced. This isn’t a rant for the sake of ranting; I’m not comparing the life of a stay-at-home mom to that of a working mom. I just want all moms to recognize that it’s okay to feel disheartened. There are others who understand, regardless of their circumstances. If you’re soaking in every moment of motherhood, fantastic! But if you’re struggling, there are moms out there who can empathize with you. They can provide support if you allow them to.
So, don’t shy away from being genuine and honest about your feelings.
If you’re interested in more insights on this topic, check out this post. And for those seeking at-home insemination options, BabyMaker offers reliable kits that can help you on your journey. For additional information about pregnancy and home insemination, visit WebMD for a great resource.
In summary, being a stay-at-home mom is a challenging and sometimes isolating experience. While you may feel overwhelmed and underappreciated, remember that you are not alone in your struggles. It’s okay to feel frustrated, to miss your previous self, and to seek connection with others who understand. Embrace the good moments while acknowledging the hard ones, and don’t hesitate to reach out for support.
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