I can’t help but think about how you quickly apologized after spilling your juice this morning, and it tugs at my heart. I told you it was okay; accidents happen. But that doesn’t erase the fact that you felt the need to say sorry right away. Have I placed too many expectations on you as the eldest?
As I sit here, I contemplate giving you a warm hug when you wake up tomorrow. I’m determined to ease up on my expectations and remind myself that you’re just 7 years old. Yet, I know that the first time I’m distracted, I’ll slip back into my old ways.
If you take too long to get ready for school, I can already picture myself hurrying you along. If your hair dangles into your breakfast, I’ll sigh and remind you to tie it back. If you wander off mid-meal to read, I’ll likely snap at you. But if your little brother does the same thing? I’ll just shake my head with a smile—he’s only 3, after all. And that’s not fair.
In the grand scheme of things, 7 isn’t so different from 3, yet as the oldest, you’re held to a higher standard. I want to change this behavior, I truly do, but I know it’s going to be a long journey, one that may last throughout your childhood.
When you were 3, like your brother is now, I expected you to be the responsible big sister. Looking back, it was unreasonable. Your brother meanders during meals, helps himself to snacks, and insists on dressing himself, no matter how long it takes. But you? I expected you to follow the rules without question. I see now that I placed too much on your young shoulders.
At 6, just like your sister is now, you were the “big girl” in school, capable and articulate. When you struggled to understand, it frustrated me. When you were upset or resistant to change, I didn’t grasp your feelings. With your sister, I tread lightly, anticipating changes, preparing her, and celebrating her smooth transitions. Why didn’t I understand to do that for you? I set the bar too high.
And I already foresee that when your sister is 7, and your brother reaches that age, my expectations will adjust. I won’t view them as mini-adults; I’ll see them as children still finding their way, deserving of patience and understanding. I need to embrace this perspective now, not years down the line.
You’re only 7, and being the firstborn doesn’t mean you should carry the weight of adulthood. You can be responsible—helping with chores, picking out your outfits—but you can also be a carefree child, chasing your brother around the table during breakfast and allowing your hair to fall into your food. Of course, you can. You’re still a little girl, and I must keep that in mind.
Instead of lowering my expectations, I need to elevate my understanding of you, embracing who you are at this moment. You are wonderful just as you are. Tomorrow morning, I’ll remember to hug you twice and help you tie back your hair.
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In summary, as parents, we must reflect on the expectations we place upon our children, especially the eldest. It’s crucial to recognize their need for understanding and support, allowing them to enjoy their childhood fully, while also fostering their sense of responsibility.
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