Battling the “Lasts” in My 40s

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When our children are small, we’re often preoccupied with their “firsts”: the first steps, the first words, and how could we possibly forget that unforgettable first tantrum at the grocery store? However, as they grow, we start to face milestones that slip by unnoticed, known as the “lasts.” These include the last time they used a sippy cup, the last request for cuddles before bedtime, or the last time we had to bend down for a hug—and yes, even the final tantrum at the grocery store (thank goodness for that).

While out for a run recently, I couldn’t help but reflect on my own adult “lasts.” After completing seven marathons in my 20s and 30s, I’ve been toying with the idea of training for another one. It’s somewhat amusing (in a bittersweet way) how life, kids, fatigue, and of course, wine, have sidetracked me for the past twelve years. Yet, I still cling to the dream of crossing that finish line, even as it feels like the “right” time to begin training is always elusive. Injuries have also plagued me, including one that led to what I now humorously refer to as The Subway Ride of Shame, when I had to stop mid-race in Philadelphia.

The thought that I might have already completed my last marathon hit me hard and left me feeling unwell. Could it be that I’ve run my final race? Would I ever regain the mental and physical strength needed to tackle another? This tough realization pushed me to ponder my other potential “lasts.”

When was the last time I performed a cannonball off a diving board? Did I nail it? Have I swung on swings at a playground for the last time? What about dancing with friends at a real dance venue? Did I inadvertently do The Lawnmower for the last time without even knowing? If I wanted to go dancing with my fortysomething pals, where would we even go? The YMCA? Applebee’s?

Speaking of which, I’ve started avoiding shorts like the plague. Now it’s all sundresses and skirts. Is it possible I’ve worn my last pair of shorts? Did I even look good in them? Ice skating! Will I ever glide like Robby Benson in Ice Castles again?

I didn’t even catch the last season of The Bachelor. Is it conceivable that I’ve seen my final episode? Have I attended my last cocktail party filled with chaotic fun? Most critically, when was the last time I streaked down a road naked? (Okay, I’ve never done that, but my mind was wandering during a long run.)

I concluded my run with a sense of urgency to embrace these “lasts.” While there are certainly experiences I’m glad to leave behind (drinking to oblivion, anyone?), there are others I intend to cherish for as long as possible. So I compiled a list—much like a Bucket List, but scaled back. Let’s call it a Dixie Cup List, or a Thimble List of those everyday joys I’m committed to continuing so I can avoid the dreaded last time.

Here are a few things I refuse to consider as “last times”:

1. Staying up until 2 a.m. laughing and drinking with friends.
2. Wearing a bikini (okay, just the top; I let go of the bottoms a while ago since my body resembles a “mullet”—business up top, party down below).
3. Riding a rollercoaster.
4. Attending concerts where the average age of attendees is above 14.
5. Devouring an entire bag of Skittles in under five minutes.
6. Jumping on a trampoline.
7. Wearing clothes clearly meant for someone in their 20s.
8. Throwing a football.
9. Sledding.
10. Making a new close friend.
11. Sporting an outrageous nail polish color.
12. Jumping into a pile of leaves.
13. Throwing a big party when the last thing I felt like doing was hosting one.
14. Organizing a girls’ weekend with my college friends.
15. Building a snowman.
16. Pogo-sticking.
17. Bodysurfing.
18. Taking body shots—wait, I meant visiting the Body Shop.
19. Splurging on an overpriced lipstick just because.
20. Wearing Athleta dresses all summer long.
21. Wandering aimlessly around New York City.
22. Jumping in puddles during a rainstorm.

And as for my marathons, they remain on my Thimble List too. So yes, I will run again. And if my body doesn’t cooperate? Well, there’s always the option of streaking, right?

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In summary, life is filled with moments we might not fully appreciate until they’re gone. By consciously choosing to embrace the activities that bring us joy, we can stave off the sense of loss associated with these “lasts.”