As a parent, even the simplest tasks can quickly transform into chaotic scenarios. Dinner time becomes a battlefield of flying food, making the bed turns into an intense wrestling match, and bedtime is a test of endurance. But perhaps one of the most entertaining challenges is simply answering a phone call.
My phone is on silent mode permanently. Why? Because the moment it rings, my children erupt into a frenzy of shouting, bickering, and general mayhem. I wish I could say I’m exaggerating, but alas, it’s the truth. When I’m on the phone, my kids morph into little tornadoes of chaos. Sound familiar? Let’s examine the five stages of answering a phone call with children in the vicinity.
Stage One: The Phone Rings
First, you play a game of hide-and-seek with your phone. You whisper-yell at the kids to hush while you follow that annoying buzzing sound to the kitchen, where it’s buried under a mountain of bills. Meanwhile, your kids cast you a look that says, “Don’t even think about it, mom! I’m about to unleash chaos!”
Stage Two: Answering The Phone
Panic sets in as you finally locate the phone. Your face says it all: desperation. You start bribing your kids with promises of candy, extra TV time, or that toy you stashed on top of the fridge. They can smell your weakness and are already strategizing their first move.
“Hello?”
Stage Three: Owl Eyes
“Oh, hi! Sure, I have a minute…” No mom has ever uttered a truer falsehood. There’s no way you’ll have even a full minute before one of them needs to use the bathroom, decides they must be naked, or suddenly feels the need to demonstrate a wild ninja move.
Your expression shifts to that of a startled owl—wide eyes, furrowed brow, and pursed lips—trying to convey seriousness, but your kids just burst into laughter. You realize you’re in deep trouble.
Stage Four: Whisper-Screaming
Fifty-seven seconds into your “free” minute, chaos reigns as your little ones decide to raid the fridge. Glass jars come tumbling down, and that’s when you resort to whisper-screaming, “GO SIT DOWN THIS INSTANT!” Naturally, they ignore you. So, you escalate to “I MEAN IT! DO NOT MAKE ME HANG UP THIS PHONE!” But they’ve found the juice boxes, and one of them is now stepping in mustard.
Stage Five: Emergency Exit Strategy
At this point, your phone call is essentially shot. Your blood pressure is rising, and you can’t believe your adorable little troublemakers have ignored you yet again. With a heavy heart, you tell the person on the other end that you have to go. You make up some excuse, promising to call back, and as soon as you hang up, you toss that phone back onto the pile of bills and vow never to answer it in front of your kids again.
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In summary, navigating a phone call as a parent is a comedic challenge filled with interruptions and chaos. From the moment the phone rings to the inevitable emergency exit, it’s a journey every parent can relate to.
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