Dear Autumn Enthusiasts,
You know who you are. You woke up today with an extra bounce in your step, reveling in the first whisper of cooler air (even if it’s just your imagination). “Fall is in the air!” you announced to anyone who would listen, including your social media followers.
As you rummaged through your closet for your cozy sweaters, thoughts of football games, vibrant foliage, and the excitement of a new school year filled your mind. And of course, you couldn’t forget the beloved pumpkin spice lattes. You eagerly shared your love for fall with the world, tagging it all with #PSL.
But I need to level with you. This may be a bit awkward since we’re friends, but here it is:
I’m not a fan.
Don’t fret—this won’t last forever. By mid-November, we can resume our friendship when your beautiful autumn leaves have transformed into a mushy mess, your new sweaters have begun to pill, and the skies have settled into their dreary gray hue until the next spring. Until then, I harbor a secret resentment towards you and your fall-loving crew.
Let me speak on behalf of all of us who thrive in warm weather:
When you pin photos of cute leather boots and chunky scarves on your Pinterest board titled “I Love Fall,” a little part of us dies inside. Sure, we might re-pin your posts, but we know our boots will stay locked away until late October, and even then, we’ll feel like fakes as sweat gathers between our toes.
When you share your latest recipes for pumpkin pancakes, pumpkin martinis, and pumpkin everything else (seriously, is there pumpkin-scented potpourri too?), we feel that frustrating mix of envy and irritation.
When your Instagram fills up with #nofilter shots of fiery maple trees, we’re left wanting to bang our heads against the steering wheel, but the wheel is too hot to touch.
When you brag about the scent of homemade applesauce wafting from your kitchen after a day of apple-picking, we’re stuck cranking the A/C and grumbling about the relentless heat wave.
When you dress your kids in adorable autumn-themed outfits for the pumpkin patch, we’re slathering ours in SPF and arriving at the patch at dawn just to beat the heat. We endure the hayrides and petting zoos only because our children have been cooped up for too long.
When you cheer for your team in your knit caps and puffy vests while sipping spiked cider, we’re wishing we could join you, but instead we’re stuck inside feeling miserable.
And when you share that first picture of your pumpkin spice latte, that’s when our annoyance peaks: the crunching leaves, the inviting scents of cinnamon, the chili, the touchdowns, and those crisp mornings. We may still order our own #PSL and post a photo for proof, but it’s done with a bitter heart.
But it’s not really your fault. I know that next spring, when I’m posting pictures of my kids playing in the sprinklers or sharing my sunburn stories from an afternoon outdoors, you’ll likely feel that same pang of jealousy. Yet, despite knowing this, my feelings remain unchanged—I still harbor some resentment.
There’s a reason you won’t find an iced pumpkin spice latte on Starbucks’ menu: it would taste like frustration.
Until November rolls around,
Your friend in Phoenix
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Summary:
This light-hearted letter captures the playful frustration of those who aren’t fans of autumn while recognizing the joy it brings to others. It humorously expresses the contrasting experiences of summer lovers as they navigate the fall season through the eyes of their autumn-obsessed friends.
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