18 Realities of Being a Night Owl Parent

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As a lifelong night owl, I’ve always found my internal clock running on a different schedule than the typical 9-to-5 world. I thrive in the late-night hours, often settling down around 2 a.m. and rising around 10 a.m. When I was single, I cleverly chose jobs with late starts. But parenting? Well, that’s a whole different ball game. Kids don’t care about your nocturnal tendencies. I know I’m not alone in this; I’ve heard many tales from fellow parents who had never even glimpsed 7 a.m. on a clock before welcoming children into their lives. Here are 18 truths that resonate with night owl parents like myself.

1. If you’re fortunate, you’ve partnered with an early riser, allowing you both to divide the overnight duties—night owl handles the last feeding while the early bird takes the first.
2. If you’re not so lucky, you may find yourself both awake at 2 a.m., grumbling to each other about who should really be getting some sleep.
3. You’ll invest a small fortune in child-proofing your home, transforming your living room into a padded fortress where you can catch a few winks while your toddler plays at 6 a.m. Just be prepared for the occasional Lego surprise.
4. At 2 a.m., while your kids are in dreamland, you might find yourself telling yourself to just go to sleep, as you scroll mindlessly through the internet.
5. Still, those late-night hours can feel magical. You’re the only one awake, free to connect with far-off friends or watch comforting reruns of “Mork and Mindy.”
6. When it’s your partner’s turn to sleep in, and they request coffee in bed, be prepared for potential spills from that lukewarm cup of joe you hand them.
7. You often ponder the age-old question: Would you rather be woken multiple times in the night but sleep in until 8, or enjoy a solid 8 hours but have to rise at 5:30? Spoiler alert: it’s irrelevant, because who can fall asleep that early?
8. School starts way too early for your liking.
9. You often wonder who these rested mothers are with their neat hair and refreshed faces—where are their comfy yoga pants?
10. When the parent-teacher conference sign-up sheet appears, and options range from 7:05 a.m. to 8:10 a.m., you might scribble something cheeky like, “LOL WHO CARES!?” next to your name.
11. After a rare night out with old friends, you might return home at 2 a.m. feeling rejuvenated—until the early morning cries of “I need breakfast!” pierce through your bliss.
12. If your partner fails to hear the baby crying during their shift, and you have to wake them up, it might just feel like grounds for divorce.
13. The most brutal mornings occur when your kids wake you up before your scheduled turn.
14. You become obsessed with the rotation of whose turn it is to get up.
15. You often daydream about having a little escape—a cozy apartment where you could wake up at your own pace, surrounded by endless coffee. A mother-in-law suite would suffice, or even a tiny room free from Cheerios on your face while you sleep. Heck, a closet with a blow-up mattress would do!
16. Being jolted awake unexpectedly feels akin to a fish swimming peacefully in a sunlit stream, only to be yanked into a chaotic, screaming world.
17. You find yourself crafting numerous metaphors to describe the sensation of being awoken too early.
18. You ponder the question of how young is too young for your child to make their own breakfast. Five? Six? If they burn themselves, well, kids bounce back quickly, right?

Now, despite my erratic sleep patterns, I sometimes find myself waking up before my kids, even if I don’t want to. But this phase won’t last forever—soon enough, they’ll be dressing themselves and heading off to school. And then, perhaps, I’ll be on the lookout for a job that starts a little later.

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Summary

Night owl parents navigate the chaotic world of early mornings and sleepless nights, often finding humor and camaraderie in their struggles. From divided responsibilities with partners to daydreams of a peaceful morning escape, these parents share a unique understanding of the challenges and joys that come with raising children on an unconventional sleep schedule.