Parenting
By Emma Thompson
March 25, 2016
The moments that come later will hold their own significance, with varied meanings and layers, but nothing will compare to that very first experience: the irreplaceable first time.
She will be impossibly tiny, and the tiny tremor of her chin will express a silent skepticism the instant they place her warm body into your arms. How can you be my mom? You don’t seem to have any idea what you’re doing. And it’s true—you really don’t have a clue.
Together, you’ll navigate this new world—this first child and you. As a mother, you’ll take in the delicate details: the little indentations where her knuckles should be, the soft rolls around her neck, her mottled skin, and her bald head. In all her fragility, she will seem breathtakingly beautiful.
The chaos of the room will overwhelm her, the bright lights too harsh. She will long for the familiar, damp cocoon where she felt safe in the dark. Her brow will furrow in confusion, and then her wide, unseeing eyes will blink up at you, as if she’s caught a glimpse of something fleeting and has resigned herself to this new world. Well, I guess this is it. We’ll have to make the best of it.
Then, the first cries will pierce the air. And you’ll find yourself crying too. That’s how it will begin for both of you.
Before you know it, a day will pass, and you’ll be bringing your daughter home, ready to raise her in every way you can, learning as you go. She, who came into this world knowing that you don’t have all the answers, will still look at you with intention.
She’ll achieve remarkable things while you fret over the small stuff, like cutting off crusts from her sandwiches. Her baby teeth will give way to adult ones, and a teacher named Ms. Parker will help her learn cursive and the difference between left and right. She’ll rescue worms from the hot pavement and will have preferences that clash with yours—she’ll love what you dislike and vice versa, driving each other to the brink long before she learns to drive herself.
You’ll also accomplish incredible feats. You’ll discover the ability to require less: less sleep, less attention, less time for yourself. You’ll give more than you ever thought possible. You’ll learn to differentiate between “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” and “Mary Had a Little Lamb” on the recorder, even if it stings. You’ll hold back words you would have normally said, just to keep the peace. There’s a unique strength in the silence of unspoken thoughts.
You’ll rush through the days, eager for the “better” moments, even as you feel the weariness of it all. Then, you’ll take a breath and wish for time to stand still when you realize how quickly 5 became 10 and then 10 became 15.
You’ll sharpen your own skills through the challenges of being a first-time mom. Your inexperience will show at times, but this will be the purest journey, one that lingers in your heart, evoking a sense of nostalgia for when she knew only you, and everything felt so fresh and unfiltered.
It will be a blend of beauty and chaos, joy and heartache. There will be moments you loathe, and moments you cherish. You’ll watch her navigate life, feeling both deeply invested and utterly helpless. The pain of it all will often be beyond her understanding.
Don’t share with her how much it hurts.
One moment, you’ll be counting her tiny fingers and toes, and the next, you’ll catch her gazing off into the distance, a smile creeping across her face. That will be the moment you realize she’s counting down the days until she embarks on her first adventure, all on her own. It will dawn on you that time is fleeting, and soon she’ll leave home for the last time, her bedroom door ajar. The days will slip away, and before you know it, she will be gone—marking the end of an era.
For the very first time.
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Summary:
This heartfelt reflection explores the profound experience of becoming a first-time mother. It captures the overwhelming emotions and challenges that come with welcoming a new life into the world, emphasizing the unique bond formed during those initial moments. The narrative highlights the bittersweet nature of parenting, as time passes quickly and children grow, leading to inevitable changes in the mother-child relationship.