Growing up, there was a recurring joke among adults about breaking a plate at the dinner table to signify sending their kids off into the world at 18. My parents and their friends would share a hearty laugh over it during dinner parties, seemingly oblivious to the fact that this was a constant refrain throughout my childhood. I found it absurd, especially when I glanced at my siblings, who seemed indifferent to the idea of being kicked out as soon as they turned 18.
Of course, it was just a joke and my parents never actually put us out at that age. In fact, I was the only one out of my four siblings who chose to leave home willingly after high school and never returned.
When I welcomed my first child, the thought of him eventually leaving home suddenly felt much more significant. I made a promise to myself that I would never let him feel like I was counting down the days until he moved out. As I gazed at him in his clear bassinet beside my hospital bed, all I could focus on was the inevitable day he would leave. I wanted him so desperately that the thought of him being gone filled me with dread.
Over the years, I’ve tried to push the idea of an empty nest out of my mind. But now, as I prepare for my eldest to move out, I find myself struggling with it.
Sure, his messy room isn’t my favorite, and I’m not thrilled by the ice cream container he left out last night, or the old tires on the lawn that he promised to sell on Facebook (it’s been a month, kid—maybe I’ll sell them myself). There have been days when managing three teenagers felt overwhelming, with endless responsibilities regarding their needs, schoolwork, and mental health.
However, none of that means I’m looking forward to them leaving. The thought of waking up on weekends without them or hoping they’ll come home for Christmas fills me with sadness.
Recently, I came across a post on social media featuring two empty nesters celebrating the quietness of their home. Such posts trigger feelings in me every time, not because I think they shouldn’t celebrate their success in raising their children, but because I’m filled with dread about this stage of my life.
I question my feelings of sadness and anxiety, especially when so many other parents seem eagerly awaiting their kids’ departure. I don’t feel like celebrating at all. With my son’s graduation approaching in June, I keep reminding myself to set aside my emotions because this moment is about him, not me. He’s becoming a capable adult who will thrive on his own.
I’ll miss my kids profoundly when they go. I always wanted all three of them, and time has flown by. For nearly 18 years, my life has revolved around my children. Who will I be once they’re gone?
Motherhood, especially during the teenage years, is something no one can truly prepare you for. How do we cope with this sudden transition when our homes shift from lively chaos to quiet emptiness?
I’m not looking forward to my empty nest. I won’t celebrate when my kids are grown and gone; the thought of less laundry or fewer dishes doesn’t bring me joy.
So, this is for all the parents who aren’t eagerly anticipating their empty nest years. You’re not alone in your feelings of sadness; I’m right there with you.
For more insights into parenting and navigating life’s challenges, check out this post on marriage challenges here. If you’re exploring the journey of parenthood, consider visiting Make a Mom for expert advice. Additionally, UCSF’s Center is a fantastic resource for pregnancy and home insemination information.
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In summary, the prospect of an empty nest can evoke a complex mix of emotions for parents. While many might look forward to the freedom it brings, others, like me, grapple with feelings of sadness and loss as they prepare to say goodbye to a cherished phase of life. The transition from a bustling home to a quieter space is daunting, and it’s crucial to recognize that these feelings are valid and shared by many.