Hey Kids…Let’s Talk About Names

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I get it—times are changing. Communication has become more casual thanks to social media and texting, and the rules of etiquette seem to be shifting towards a more laid-back approach. I’m all for casual vibes: casual Fridays, comfy jeans, relaxed dining, and even casual dating. There are undeniable perks to this easygoing world; it allows us to skip over the small talk and get straight to the meat of our interactions. But when it comes to how kids engage with adults, I find myself yearning for a touch of traditional decorum.

One of my biggest pet peeves? Kids calling adults by their first names. While this might be the norm in some circles, I still can’t wrap my head around it. It feels off, like mismatched socks or ordering tacos at a steakhouse. My name is Jess, and every time a kid uses it, I can’t help but think of that catchy song by The Ting Tings: “They call me hell. They call me Jess…” and suddenly, I’m stuck with it in my head for the rest of the day.

I often wonder if I’m alone in my discomfort with this trend. Many parents seem to enjoy being on a first-name basis with their children’s friends because it feels less formal—like they’re trying to recapture their youthful spirit. But let’s be real, while “Ms. Jess” or “Mr. Jess” might sound friendly, it feels a bit too much like a 90s sitcom.

In an effort to navigate this tricky terrain, I even considered adopting a rapper name for myself, but unfortunately, most of the good ones are already taken. I tried brainstorming a few options, like “J-Dawg” or “Lil’ Jess,” but none felt right. Maybe I could take a cue from Prince and adopt a symbol instead. I mean, who wouldn’t want to be called a wine glass or a pair of funky glasses?

At the end of the day, I believe the first-name basis should be a privilege shared among peers, not a casual exchange between adults and kids. Here’s the reality: While I think you’re delightful and I enjoy your company, we are not friends. And the boundaries matter.

So, if you’re wondering what you should call me, here’s a quick cheat sheet to guide you:

1. If you’ve had an accident in your pants in the last decade, it’s a hard no.
2. If your outfit comes from a store targeting kids, also no.
3. If you’re playing on a travel soccer team, enjoy the game, but no.
4. If Skittles are a staple in your diet, that’s a no.
5. If you can recite lines from a Minion movie, um, no thanks.
6. If you’re still ordering off the kids’ menu, pick no.
7. If your Disney ticket was half off, that’s a magical no.
8. If you’re sporting light-up sneakers, heck no.
9. If you’re eagerly awaiting Santa’s arrival, ho ho no.

So there you have it. Boundaries are essential, even in this casual world we live in. And remember, I’m not even on a first-name basis with my doctor—after all, those visits are usually far from glamorous.

If you want to learn more about navigating parenting and social interactions, check out our other posts, like this one about naming conventions in today’s society. And if you’re looking to explore at-home insemination options, this site has some great products to consider. For additional resources on pregnancy and fertility, I recommend listening to this excellent podcast from the Cleveland Clinic: IVF and Fertility Preservation.

In summary, while the world may be shifting towards casual interactions, some boundaries are necessary for maintaining respect and decorum.