In this advice column, our team tackles the questions you have about relationships, sexuality, and all those topics that leave you scratching your head.
This week: What to do when your partner’s “me time” leaves you feeling a bit uneasy.
Dear Home Insemination Kit,
I never really noticed how often my partner was engaging in self-pleasure until we were stuck at home together all the time. We have an active (or so I think) sex life, with intimacy 2-3 times a week on average. However, I find it strange that he seems to masturbate every single day! I’ve caught him in the act a few times, and it made me feel uncomfortable and even a bit creeped out. When I asked him about how often he does this and if it was a recent development, he told me it’s something he does almost daily. He’s aware that it makes me uneasy, but he insists he won’t cut back just to appease me. I can’t quite figure out why I feel this way (I don’t indulge in self-pleasure much myself), but it doesn’t seem like jealousy. Is this typical behavior for a married man? I assume he’s looking at porn or something while doing this. Is that normal? I could really use another perspective but feel too shy to approach my friends about it.
It’s fascinating what we discover about each other when we’re cooped up together for an extended period, isn’t it? In your case, you’ve stumbled upon something that’s typically kept private, and it’s likely not a new habit at all—it’s just that you weren’t aware of it before. Your intimate life, as you describe, is active, so if your partner wants to explore his own pleasure occasionally (or daily), and it doesn’t impact your relationship, maybe it’s worth letting it slide. Just make sure he practices good hygiene!
Studies, like those published in the Journal of American Medicine, indicate that nearly 50% of men report masturbating at least twice a week. Masturbation is considered a normal part of human sexuality. I can relate—having raised four sons, I know that curiosity about one’s own body starts young. Masturbation allows individuals to explore their own pleasure in a healthy way.
Everyone has different sex drives; what seems to you like an excessive amount may just be his normal. The stigma surrounding masturbation likely contributes to your discomfort, as society often portrays it in a negative light. Your partner isn’t doing anything abnormal; it’s just that the messages we receive can make us feel that way.
If your partner were to prioritize porn over your intimacy, or if his habits were disrupting his daily life, that would be concerning. But from your description, it sounds like you’re dealing with a case of differing sex drives, with him simply satisfying his needs in a natural manner. In fact, Psychology Today suggests that masturbation is a significant aspect of maintaining sexual health. So you might think of it as a way of taking care of himself—similar to how one might pop a multivitamin.
For further insights, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary:
The letter highlights a woman’s discomfort with her husband’s daily masturbation habits, revealing that such behavior can be normal in relationships. The advice emphasizes understanding differing sex drives and the naturalness of self-pleasure, encouraging open communication without shame.
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- Is daily masturbation normal for men?
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- Differences in sexual drives in relationships.
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