Recently, I had the pleasure of engaging with a passionate group of mentors eager to enhance their skills in discussing sensitive topics, particularly around diversity and LGBTQIA+ issues. They were focused on understanding the complexities of gender, sexuality, and gender expression, and my goal was to help them feel at ease with themselves so they could foster empathetic and meaningful conversations.
During our time together, I emphasized the vital role of being a ‘go-to’ adult for tweens and teens when they hesitate to approach their parents about certain matters. This need isn’t exclusive to issues related to sexual orientation or identity; rather, it’s about creating welcoming spaces for our youth to find support.
As a parent, I aspire for my children to confide in me about everything, from minor dilemmas to significant life choices. However, I recognize my role as their boundary-setter and disciplinarian, which can create a natural barrier. While I hope for their love and trust, I understand that not every conversation will feel comfortable for them to have with me. It’s essential for them to have another adult in their lives—someone who can provide unconditional support and unbiased guidance. This individual might be an aunt, uncle, family friend, coach, or even a neighbor capable of helping them navigate complex emotions.
Research from the Search Institute indicates that young people flourish through supportive relationships. These connections allow tweens and teens to explore their identities and develop skills necessary for engaging with their communities. A strong mentor can offer invaluable insights and foster confidence, making a significant difference in their lives.
Furthermore, studies conducted by North Carolina State University reveal that young individuals with mentors tend to secure more meaningful job opportunities as they transition into adulthood. These findings suggest that organic mentor-mentee relationships can be just as impactful as those formed through structured programs.
As parents, it’s crucial to set aside our egos. We may strive to be understanding and accepting, yet our children might feel uncomfortable discussing certain subjects with us. A trusted adult can provide a safe outlet for them. It’s important for parents to approve of the adults their children turn to for advice, especially on sensitive topics like relationships, substance use, or academic struggles. Although we may offer similar guidance, having someone else to talk to can be beneficial for young people as they navigate their formative years.
Not all parents are emotionally or physically available to their children, which is why it’s especially important for tweens and teens to seek support from non-parental figures. Research by Dr. Marilyn Price-Mitchell showcases that supportive mentors help young people grow intellectually and emotionally, often leading to improved planning, organization, and problem-solving skills.
In speaking with numerous young mentees, Dr. Price-Mitchell found that effective mentors often exhibit qualities such as active listening, gentle encouragement, and a non-judgmental attitude. These traits resonate deeply with adolescents, making them feel valued and understood.
Every young person deserves the opportunity to share their experiences with someone who listens. While this could be a parent, it’s not a requirement. A supportive adult willing to provide a safe space can be just as significant.
Reflecting on my own experiences, I had supportive coaches but lacked that one adult who made me feel truly heard. I carried many secrets and questions yet didn’t have a trusted person to confide in. It’s essential for kids to know there’s someone who is ready to say, “I’m here for you.” Let’s show up for all young people, not just our own. When they choose to open up, our response should be, “Thank you for sharing; I genuinely want to help.”
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Summary
It’s essential for tweens and teens to have a trusted adult outside their parents to navigate complex emotions and conversations. Research shows that supportive relationships foster personal growth, confidence, and better career opportunities. As parents, we must recognize the importance of these connections and encourage our children to seek mentorship from caring adults in their lives.