After navigating the tumultuous tween years with my oldest daughter, I’m hoping for a bit more straightforward communication and a little less emotional chaos. A mom can wish, right? While raising a teen girl is certainly less stressful than those awkward tween years—mostly because my heart has toughened and my nerves are like iron—it still presents its own set of challenges. I’m figuring out when to step back as she asserts her independence, celebrating her achievements and helping her learn from her missteps. She’s embracing the idea that mistakes are part of the journey, coming to me when she needs support, and soaking in the joy of discovering her unique self.
As I parent my teenage daughter, I can’t help but reminisce about my own experiences growing up in the ’80s. Even though times have changed, there are a few iconic ’80s tracks that resonate with my current life with her:
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Duran Duran, ‘Girls on Film’
Or more accurately, Snapchat—today’s version of film (if only she knew what film was). My nearly 14-year-old daughter snaps countless selfies, sending them out into the digital world. Some are purposely awkward, while others showcase her undeniable beauty (#nofilter). I remind her that anything online sticks around forever. She rolls her eyes and assures me she gets it, yet keeps snapping away. -
The Clash, ‘Should I Stay or Should I Go’
I often find myself uncertain about when my daughter needs my help with homework or social challenges versus when she’d prefer I step back so she can tackle things solo. My instinct is to hover, but I recognize that figuring things out independently is crucial to her growth. Lately, I’ve been more mindful of when she truly needs me versus when she’s got it handled. -
Madonna, ‘Like a Virgin’
We discuss sex far more than I ever did with my own mother in my teens. While part of me wants to advocate for “wait until marriage,” the other part recalls the overwhelming urges of my youth. We cover how to navigate these experiences, focusing on consent, protection, and healthy relationships. It’s a bit uncomfortable, but who said parenting teens was going to be easy? -
Rob Base & DJ E-Z Rock, ‘Joy And Pain’
Even though she’s improved at managing her emotions compared to her tween years, my daughter still can spiral into intense emotional states—both joyful and painful. Her outbursts, though less frequent, can be quite dramatic. Whether she’s celebrating acing a math test with cartwheels on the lawn or experiencing a sudden wave of frustration, her emotional highs and lows are still fierce. -
AC/DC, ‘Back in Black’
Once, I had a sweet little girl who adored everything pink, but now I have a teenager who gravitates towards an all-black wardrobe—black leggings, torn jeans, loose black tees, and edgy footwear. Once in a while, she’ll add a dark gray top or a deep burgundy hoodie. Is this a phase or a permanent style? Regardless, she’s pulling it off with confidence. -
Pet Shop Boys, ‘What Have I Done to Deserve This?’
When my daughter shoots me daggers for seemingly trivial reasons, like me reminding her of her ride home, I often ponder what I did to deserve such treatment. Then I remember, I’m raising a teen, and the answer is, “Nothing at all.” It doesn’t excuse her behavior, but it does remind me that her teenage brain is navigating a lot, and I shouldn’t take it personally. -
Salt-N-Pepa, ‘Push It’
If you think establishing rules for toddlers is tough, just wait until they’re teens. For instance, “Mom, can you pick me up from Emma’s place at eleven tonight? I found my own way there…” Our household rule is no late-night plans on school nights, yet she hopes I’ll bend the rules since she’s made her own arrangements. I admire her independence, but she’s also testing the boundaries we’ve set. -
Simple Minds, ‘Don’t You (Forget About Me)’
In her eagerness for independence, my daughter sometimes takes on too much, whether it’s emotional challenges, academic pressures, or just life in general. She often forgets that she has a knowledgeable, supportive resource right at home—me. I gently remind her that I once walked the same path and am always here to listen or offer guidance. -
Guns N’ Roses, ‘Sweet Child O’ Mine’
The best part of having a teenage daughter? I never forget the sweet child she was at her core. That essence has been nurturing all these years. Parenting my teen is a rollercoaster, but as she navigates her way through the eye rolls, rebellious moments, and heartfelt connections, I know she retains a heart of gold.
Raising a teenage girl certainly keeps me on my toes, but as long as we keep the lines of communication open—whether through selfies, candid discussions about relationships, fashion advice, or simple hugs—I believe we’ll navigate this journey just fine. Perhaps I’ll even create her a mixtape one day.
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In summary, the teenage years are filled with ups and downs, but they’re also a precious time for growth and connection. While I reminisce about the ’80s, the music and memories help frame my experiences with my daughter today.
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