Throughout my pregnancies, I frequently encountered the phrase, “As long as he’s healthy.” Over time, my feelings towards this common saying have soured.
Typically, this phrase would come from acquaintances or even strangers during casual conversations. The exchanges usually went like this:
Them: “Oh! (noticing my baby bump) When is your due date?”
Me: “In June.”
Them: “Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?”
Me: “It’s a boy.”
Them: “That’s wonderful! Well, none of it matters, as long as he’s healthy!”
I’ve often wondered why this sentiment is so prevalent. Is it necessary to state the obvious? Naturally, I wished for my baby’s good health! I was diligent with prenatal vitamins, attended all my doctor’s appointments, and adhered to strict guidelines (no alcohol, no raw foods, etc.). Is this phrase an attempt to invoke good fortune for my unborn child? Is it a way of warding off misfortune? Because anything less than a healthy pregnancy is surely deemed a tragedy, right?
During my pregnancies, anxiety was my constant companion, especially after experiencing a miscarriage. My eldest child is what’s known as a rainbow baby—born after a loss. Hearing “As long as he’s healthy” served as a painful reminder of my earlier heartbreak. It highlighted my worries about protecting my baby and underscored how little control I truly had.
While my pregnancy following the miscarriage went smoothly, my second child faced considerable challenges. I contracted a virus called Cytomegalovirus (CMV) during that pregnancy, and it wasn’t until a troubling ultrasound that I realized something was wrong. My son was born with significant health issues, requiring medication and extensive support. The virus had caused brain damage, leaving doctors uncertain about his future development. I felt utterly devastated.
Life doesn’t always unfold as we hope. Children can be born with various differences, and the question becomes: how do we cope and persevere?
I grappled with immense guilt and sorrow regarding the obstacles my son would face. I felt like I had failed him. Interacting with friends and family became daunting. I struggled to explain what had happened and to reconcile my past expectations with my present reality.
In those early years, I desperately needed support. My mind was awash with information regarding my son’s care. I hesitated to share my thoughts with friends for fear of overwhelming them. Balancing intense emotions while caring for a toddler and a newborn was a daunting task. Yet, I had to press on and make thoughtful decisions. What other choice did I have?
Today, my son is eight years old and a remarkable child, though he remains entirely dependent on us. Through years of therapy, I’ve mostly come to terms with my feelings regarding his birth and the shifts in our lives. I’ve learned to advocate for both his and my own needs. I recognize that my responses shape how others perceive and interact with him. I’ve also realized the importance of self-care when feeling overwhelmed.
I’ve become open about my journey, which has fostered connections with friends facing their own challenges. One friend confided in me about her daughter’s dyslexia, another discussed her son’s diagnosis of attention deficit disorder (ADD), and a third sought my support when her son was born with brain damage. I hope they reach out because they know I understand and won’t judge them.
But why must navigating challenging experiences feel so taboo? While I’ve shed much of the guilt I once carried, occasional encounters with the phrase “as long as he’s healthy” trigger those old feelings. I often want to ask, “What if he isn’t? What if life unfolds in unexpected ways? Is that still acceptable?” It must be, as navigating the unpredictability of pregnancy and motherhood is part of the journey.
For those seeking insight on related topics, you might find this post on our blog about home insemination enlightening. Additionally, if you’re looking for expert advice, check out Kindbody’s blog for valuable resources on pregnancy and home insemination. And for those interested in enhancing fertility, Make a Mom offers a range of products worth exploring.
Summary
The phrase “as long as he’s healthy” can be a source of anxiety for expectant mothers, particularly for those who have faced previous losses or complications. This sentiment often overlooks the reality that not all pregnancies go as planned. As mothers, we must learn to navigate the unpredictable nature of motherhood and find support in our shared experiences. The author reflects on her journey, advocating for openness about challenges while highlighting the importance of self-care.
Probable Search Queries:
- Why do people say “as long as he’s healthy” during pregnancy?
- Coping with pregnancy after miscarriage.
- Understanding CMV in pregnancy.
- How to support a child with health challenges.
- The emotional impact of pregnancy complications.