Trigger warning: child loss
On December 11th, my son Noah passed away due to complications from necrotizing enterocolitis, a severe intestinal condition. That day left me breathless, filled with an overwhelming sense of loss. Suddenly, life without Noah felt unimaginable. As my heart broke, the world continued to spin around me, and I knew I needed to find a way to channel the weight of this profound grief, which threatened to consume me.
Since Noah’s passing, the desire to celebrate his joy has overshadowed my feelings of regret, guilt, and anger. Noah’s smile was radiant and unforgettable. As I approached the first anniversary of his death, I felt a strong urge to create a way for everyone who cared for Noah to come together to celebrate and remember him. I looked back at cherished photos of Noah, recalling how I used to wrap him in colorful rainbow baby carriers. That’s when I decided to establish “Rainbows to Remember Noah” each December 11th.
This initiative allows us to transform a day filled with sorrow into a moment of joy and connection. Instead of dreading the anniversary of Noah’s death, we have built a meaningful tradition that helps our family cope. On Rainbows to Remember Noah, we wear our brightest outfits, invite our community to join in creating rainbows, and find ways to give back in Noah’s honor. Each year, the rainbows we create are breathtaking, bringing us a sense of peace on December 11th.
The day is also dedicated to giving back in ways that honor Noah’s memory. During his life, Noah received 211 blood transfusions. Therefore, on Rainbows to Remember Noah, we donate blood. The risks of necrotizing enterocolitis can be mitigated when vulnerable infants receive human milk. In the six years I nursed Noah’s siblings, I contributed 3,000 ounces of breast milk to nonprofit milk banks. Since we often couldn’t hold Noah in the intensive care unit, we bonded by reading storybooks together. As a tribute, we donate new children’s books to families in the neonatal intensive care unit on Rainbows to Remember Noah.
Every December 11th, we create rainbows, give back, and cherish the memories captured in videos and photos of Noah. We laugh, weep, and celebrate the boy who should be outside playing with his dogs and siblings. While Rainbows to Remember Noah doesn’t erase our pain, it offers a way to transform that pain into something beautiful and meaningful. The support we receive from family and friends during this day is deeply felt.
We are reminded that our love and grief for Noah are shared. Our community stands with us on this journey, and having a community that remembers and honors our child is everything a bereaved parent could wish for. For more on navigating the journey of parenthood, check out this link.
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In summary, “Rainbows to Remember Noah” allows our family to honor his memory through celebration, giving back, and creating lasting connections with our community. It provides a meaningful way to cope with our loss while keeping his spirit alive.