I have a rather unique bond with my mother-in-law, and by “unique,” I mean I genuinely cherish her. While our relationship had a bumpy start, we quickly navigated through our differences—mostly simple misunderstandings—and she has become one of my most cherished people.
It’s no secret that many people struggle with their relationships with their mothers-in-law, often leading to increased stress during family gatherings. The dynamic between wives and their husbands’ mothers can be especially challenging, as wives may feel their mother-in-law is reluctant to accept that they are now the primary woman in their son’s life. Conversely, mothers-in-law may perceive their son’s wife as someone trying to change him or, worse, as a rival trying to “steal” him away.
I’ve heard countless tales of mothers-in-law who come over and rearrange kitchens, load kids up on sweets despite requests not to, or make snide comments about their daughter-in-law’s choices, appearance, or parenting style. Some even meddle in their sons’ relationships, prying into their issues and searching for flaws in their daughters-in-law.
However, my mother-in-law is nothing like that. First and foremost, she is an incredible grandmother to my two children. Whenever she visits from her home country, she always brings delightful Peruvian treats that are hard to find in the U.S., along with handmade gifts that let my kids know she has them in mind.
When she’s with us, she is fully present, spending quality time with her grandchildren. She dives into intricate games, even if it means learning the rules in a second language, which can be quite a challenge. I might struggle with playing Scrabble in Spanish, but she takes on the task joyfully because the kids ask her to. She teaches them Spanish, dances with them, enjoys movie nights, and always gives them her complete attention—a rarity in adult interactions.
Her visits typically last a month, allowing her to integrate into our family life seamlessly. We grocery shop together, run errands, and she joins us for the kids’ after-school activities and family vacations. She’s an extra set of hands around the house, always willing to help but also respectful enough to ask if I need assistance. Her thoughtfulness means I’m never frantically searching for misplaced items, and her concern about being “in my way” is touching; I feel the exact opposite.
What truly sets my mother-in-law apart is her unwavering support—especially during a challenging time in my life. My husband and I are currently going through a divorce after I came out as gay, and I was anxious about how she would respond. As a devoted Catholic, I feared she might reject me or blame me for disrupting her son’s family.
However, when my soon-to-be ex-husband shared the news with her, I was in the room and heard her gentle response. Although she gasped at the word “gay,” she quickly expressed understanding and compassion. She acknowledged the sadness of our situation, affirmed that my sexuality is a part of who I am, and recognized that my happiness and authenticity are paramount. She reassured me of my worth as a mother and expressed hope that our relationship could continue.
In an ideal world, anyone coming out should expect this level of compassion from those they confide in. But we don’t live in a perfect world. Change can be hard, and acceptance isn’t guaranteed. My mother-in-law, however, has a heart so generous that she instinctively understood the challenges we face as a family, as well as my internal struggles to embrace my true self.
Though my marriage is ending, I am grateful that she will always be the wonderful abuela my children adore and that she remains my beloved mother-in-law.
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Summary:
My mother-in-law is a remarkable woman who has shown unwavering love and support through challenging times, proving that family bonds can withstand change. Her kindness and thoughtfulness make her an exceptional grandmother and mother-in-law.