Growing up in a traditional household, I was taught to show respect to adults, a value that’s deeply rooted in my upbringing. This perspective, shaped by my Southern upbringing and cultural background, leads me to prefer that my children avoid calling adults by their first names.
The world has changed significantly since my childhood in the ’80s. Back then, addressing an adult without a respectful title seemed unthinkable. Whether it was grandparents, aunts, uncles, or neighbors, we were quick to learn the appropriate way to address them.
While I acknowledge that the parenting landscape has evolved for the better—allowing for more connection and understanding between parents and children—I still believe that instilling a sense of respect for elders is essential. Today, many adults are working hard to learn about children’s perspectives, which is commendable. However, in doing so, the lines between adults and children sometimes become blurred, and I worry about the implications of that.
Adults hold a wealth of experience and wisdom that children have yet to acquire. Just as we honor the title of “Doctor” after years of education, I think it’s important for my kids to recognize and respect titles like “Mr.” or “Ms.” These titles signify the journey and hard work that adults have put into their lives.
If an adult prefers to be addressed by their first name, I will respect that choice, but it will still make me uneasy when I hear my child use it. I’ve found a middle ground by encouraging my daughter to combine a title with the first name, such as “Coach Sarah” or “Teacher John,” which seems to satisfy everyone involved.
To me, using titles is not just a matter of formality; it helps reinforce boundaries that are crucial for a child’s development. It also provides children with something to aspire to. They too will earn their titles one day, whether it be “Miss,” “Mr.,” or “Coach,” as they grow and learn.
In a society where relationships between adults and children are becoming increasingly casual, I hope we don’t lose the importance of respect and formality that lays the groundwork for meaningful interactions.
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In summary, while I appreciate the shift toward more informal relationships between children and adults, I firmly believe that teaching children to address adults with respect is fundamental for their growth and understanding of boundaries.