It’s tough to admit, but your child might be a bit spoiled. Yes, yours. She tends to complain and often gets her way.
I understand you’re trying to be a great parent. Your own upbringing wasn’t exactly ideal; your parents weren’t very engaged. For instance, your dad had no clue you played the flute or participated in the marching band. Your mom was often busy with work and missed many of your field hockey games, sometimes even forgetting to pick you up on time.
But you’re not repeating their mistakes. You aim to be different.
You genuinely want your kids to be happy, which is commendable. You’re involved in their lives, ensuring you know what they’re up to. You want them to feel cherished and valued. You’re punctual for pick-ups, plan activities, and ask endless questions. You strive for their lives to be fulfilling and worry about their disappointments.
However, some parenting choices might be leading to unintended consequences, and it’s important to recognize that. Here are some reasons why your child may be acting out:
We Negotiate Too Much.
When your child asks for something, negotiations often ensue. Phrases like “I’ll buy that if you behave” are echoed in stores everywhere. And when they misbehave, you might say, “Okay, one more chance.” This can quickly spiral into multiple chances. While negotiating can be useful, it’s crucial to establish non-negotiable boundaries to avoid ongoing games.
We Clean Up After Them.
Sometimes, it’s just too overwhelming to look at their messy room. Clothes are strewn everywhere, and it feels like a disaster zone. Yet, they still attend all their activities and get to enjoy TV time. When you eventually cave and clean up for them, it sends a message: someone will always tidy up after them. This creates an expectation that can lead to entitlement.
We Carry Their Bags.
Yes, backpacks can be heavy, but when we take on that burden, we might be making our kids too comfortable. They need to learn to manage their own things.
We Ask for Dinner Preferences.
Did your parents ever ask you what you wanted for dinner? Probably not. Meals were usually simple and repetitive, and you ate what was served. Allowing kids to dictate dinner can create a sense of entitlement.
Their Plans Take Priority.
“Sorry, we can’t go because Jamie has a game.” While it’s great to support their interests, sometimes family plans should come first. Kids can benefit from learning that they can’t always have the spotlight.
We Focus Solely on Their Happiness.
A reality check: Kids aren’t meant to be happy all the time. They need to understand that they won’t always get their way, and that’s completely normal. If chores or family time lead to some eye rolls, that’s part of life.
We Undermine Each Other.
This is a common pitfall. When one parent says “no” and the other says “yes,” it teaches kids to manipulate situations to their advantage. A united front is essential for effective parenting.
We Don’t Assign Chores.
If your child isn’t helping out around the house, it might be time to rethink their responsibilities. They need to learn accountability.
We Make Excuses for Their Misbehavior.
It’s easy to justify a child’s bad behavior as being tired or busy, but we should hold them accountable. Without discipline, bad habits can develop.
We Argue with Teachers and Coaches.
While advocating for your child is important, it should come after they’ve tried to resolve issues themselves. When we intervene too quickly, we risk sending the message that they don’t need to take their obligations seriously.
Being attentive and involved is great, but it’s the way we handle our involvement that can lead to problems. Allowing negotiations, making excuses, or being overly comfortable can foster bratty behavior. Kids need to learn that sometimes they have to deal with less-than-ideal situations, like having to eat a less-than-appetizing meal. This builds character.
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Summary
In conclusion, while wanting to be a supportive parent is admirable, it’s essential to strike a balance between involvement and allowing children to learn responsibility. Recognizing where we may inadvertently create entitlement in our kids can lead to healthier relationships and character development.