So, you’re gearing up for a colonoscopy, huh? Don’t fret — it’s a rite of passage for many. Whether you’re over fifty, have a family history of digestive issues, or need one for another reason, it’s inevitable.
Lucky for you, I recently went through the process myself. While I wasn’t exactly thrilled about it, I decided to tackle it with a mindset of, “Oh great. Do I REALLY have to?!” followed by a determined, “Let’s crush this!” So, I’ve put together a fun and helpful guide for anyone facing a colonoscopy soon.
1. Toilet Paper Upgrade
Stock up on the softest toilet paper you can find. If it’s made from rare ingredients like crushed velvet or magical unicorn breath, even better. Seriously, don’t skimp on this. And those flushable wipes? Yes, please!
2. Prep Your Support Crew
Communicate clearly with your partner or caregiver about what they’ll need to handle while you’re indisposed. I shot a message to my husband that read, “I’ll be occupied with bathroom adventures all morning, so you’re on school drop-off duty.”
3. Talk to the Kids
Let your children know what’s happening in a kid-friendly way. I explained, “The doctors will use a camera to check inside my belly, and I’ll be drinking some really yucky stuff tomorrow. I might be in the bathroom a lot, but afterward, I’ll be enjoying ALL the ice cream. No interruptions unless you’re bringing me more!” They were totally jealous.
4. Savor That Last Meal
Choose your final feast wisely. Make it something you love, but be warned — it may become a food you can’t look at the same way again. I went all out with sushi and a bit of candy to fuel me through the fasting phase.
5. Pun it Up
Keep the mood light with some bathroom humor. For instance, I joked with my partner, “I’ll be reading a great book to get my juices flowing!” He responded with, “Wishing you smooth sailing!”
6. Create Your Safe Space
Prepare for a liquid diet 24 hours before the procedure. If you’re like me, you might get a tad hangry, so isolating yourself for a bit can help keep peace at home.
7. Share the Experience
When it’s time to drink that infamous bowel prep solution, make sure to share your joy (or lack thereof) with those around you.
8. Chug That Prep
Yes, it’s vile — worse than you can imagine. Just down it quickly. Trust me — you’ve survived worse things in life.
9. Bathroom Command Center
Set up your bathroom with all the essentials: books, snacks, and hydration. Ensure your devices are charged, and if you have a padded toilet seat cover, now’s the time to use it.
10. Dress for Success
Go for elastic waistbands. This is not the time for drawstrings or anything restrictive. Speed is of the essence when you need to dash to the bathroom!
11. Underwear Warning
Skip wearing your nice underwear. You might want to prepare for some unfortunate consequences.
12. No Live Updates
Refrain from tweeting about your colon prep, but feel free to send some goofy selfies to your friends who appreciate that kind of humor.
13. Keep a Safe Distance
Between bathroom visits, take it easy. Lay down or move about your home, but avoid any bending or squatting at all costs.
14. Shower Smart
Shower the morning of your procedure, but be ready to make a quick exit if nature calls.
15. Be Kind to Medical Staff
They’re there to help you, even if they miss a vein or two. Remember, they’ll be seeing the inside of your colon!
16. Lighten the Mood
Crack some awkward jokes with your doctors. They may chuckle politely, but it’ll help ease the tension.
17. Keep Everyone Updated
After the procedure, let your loved ones know how you’re doing.
18. Holiday Card Potential
If you play your cards right, you might even include a picture of your colon in your holiday greetings!
P.S. To my husband, this experience has only reinforced my stance on avoiding certain… activities.
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Summary
Preparing for a colonoscopy can be a daunting task, but with the right mindset and a bit of planning, you can tackle it with humor and grace. From stocking up on luxury toilet paper to keeping your loved ones informed, every little bit helps. Remember to take care of yourself, and don’t hesitate to share your experience — you might even inspire others.