For years, I battled anorexia and bulimia, and those experiences have made it difficult for me to address certain issues, especially when it comes to my body-conscious preteen daughter, Lily. I often find myself passing the responsibility of discussing nutrition and healthy habits over to my husband.
Like many girls her age, Lily is navigating the changes in her body. When we talk about making healthier food and exercise choices, I hesitate to step in. My own history makes me wary of influencing her in the wrong way.
During my senior year of high school, I wore a size 14. As I prepared to leave for college, the anxiety of fitting in and being independent took a toll on me, leading to an unhealthy obsession with controlling my food intake. I started skipping meals, and when I did eat, I would often purge right after. I remember devouring an entire box of cookies only to make myself sick afterward.
Each night I went to bed hungry felt like a twisted victory. I once had professional photos taken with my best friend, who was still a size 14, while I had shrunk down to a size 2. The contrast between our bodies was shocking, and it took years of therapy for me to understand the implications of my actions. I resembled a skeleton—my health was deteriorating.
Eventually, my parents sought help for me, leading me to a therapist and a nutritionist. Initially resistant, I would try to distract myself during appointments, even opting for frivolous activities like manicures instead. My parents would call me, baffled at how I could prioritize my nails over my health.
When I finally committed to my therapy sessions, I was weighed backwards to avoid panicking at the sight of the scale. I learned to reintroduce food to my body gradually, starting with protein shakes, and began taking medication to help manage my mental health.
Now, years after overcoming my eating disorders, my weight has fluctuated. At 5’9”, I find that a size 10 or 12 feels best for my body. Currently, I’m wearing a size 14, which is a product of having a toddler and the inevitable changes that come with age. I have a goal to return to a size 10 or 12, but I must approach this carefully; I have an addictive personality and know all too well how far I can go.
This is why, when Lily asks for snacks that aren’t the healthiest, I often say yes. When she wants seconds at dinner, I oblige, even though I know I should be guiding her towards better choices. I find myself wanting to say, “How about some carrot sticks instead of a third taco?” but I just can’t bring myself to do it.
I worry that Lily, already conscious of her body, might fall into the same traps I did years ago. I recognize the warning signs of eating disorders, but I hope I never have to look for them in her. She is a beautiful young girl with her own curves, and it pains me to think she could ever feel the need to harm her body as I did.
As I begin my own journey towards better health, I hope she’ll see my efforts and be inspired to follow. We already enjoy long walks together, which is a positive beginning. Our new house has more space, making it easier to have the elliptical machine that had been gathering dust in our old home, which I plan to use regularly. Everyone benefits from being more active—the endorphins from exercise are a natural boost.
Navigating the challenges of parenting while wanting our children to make better choices than we did is quite the journey. For more insights on family wellness and pregnancy, you can check out this excellent resource. Also, for those interested in home insemination kits, consider visiting Make A Mom.
Summary
In this reflective piece, Emily Carter shares her personal struggles with eating disorders and how they influence her parenting approach with her stepdaughter, Lily. Despite her past, she aims to encourage healthy habits without projecting her own insecurities onto her child. The article emphasizes the importance of promoting body positivity while navigating the complexities of parenting.