Let’s be honest, summer and I have a tumultuous relationship. It’s sweltering, I’m drenched in sweat, and the schedule feels like a game of Whac-A-Mole—changing by the hour. I’m tasked with entertaining my endlessly bored kids while trying to keep up with work demands. And don’t even get me started on making sure they eat something other than cereal and engage in actual outdoor activities rather than binge-watching YouTube.
However, the absolute worst part of summer? You guessed it—school supply shopping. It’s a task I dread more than a zombie apocalypse. The supply list is a labyrinthine scroll filled with impossible-to-find items that seem to exist solely in the realm of myth. By the end of this exhausting expedition, I’ve spent a fortune—possibly the equivalent of a couple of car payments—trudging from store to store. It feels like a cruel punishment for wishing summer would just end already.
In no particular order, here are six activities I’d much rather undertake than go on this annual shopping spree:
- Undergoing Multiple Root Canals: The time and effort required to endure dental work would still be less than hunting down that elusive 10-pack of washable markers (Classic colors only, please!) and five 1-inch white binders with those elusive transparent sleeves. Plus, I suspect the dental bills might be lighter on the wallet.
- Teaching a Room Full of Preschoolers to Tie Their Shoes: Honestly, this would be a breeze compared to the frustration of scavenging for supplies, only to find out that the 2-pocket blue folders I so diligently searched for are supposed to be plastic—who knew?
- Expressing My Dog’s Anal Glands: I assure you, the pungent aroma of that task would be a breath of fresh air compared to the oppressive stench of sweat and exasperation radiating from fellow parents navigating this supply shopping hell—often with cranky kids in tow.
- Giving Up Bacon for a Whole Year: The heartache of sacrificing crispy bacon would pale in comparison to the hair-pulling stress I experience while standing in line at yet another store, only to find out that the white Magic Rub pencil erasers—the only school-approved ones—have been snatched up.
- Getting a Full Body Wax, Including My Nasal Hair: I’d take that pain any day over the blood-curdling screech my daughter lets out when she realizes those trendy One Direction high-tops don’t meet her school’s uniform code.
- Committing to Daily Oral Intimacy with My Husband for a Month: And yes, swallowing would be part of the deal.
I could probably come up with more alternatives to this shopping nightmare, but first I’d need to decipher the school supply lists for each of my kids, wrangle them into the car, and brave at least five different stores to find the exact items. And let’s not forget the fun of returning the incorrect items and then labeling every single crayon. Seriously—who has the time, energy, or patience for this?
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In summary, school supply shopping is a tedious task that I’d gladly swap for a myriad of other activities, no matter how painful or ridiculous they may seem.