How are you? I casually ask, stealing a quick glance at my phone.
I’ve just bumped into an old friend, Cara, at the grocery store, and both of us are racing through the aisles. When I spotted her near the cereal, a wave of nostalgia hit me. It had been too long since we last caught up.
“I’m so busy!” she exclaims, her hair in a messy bun and dressed in comfy leggings, mirroring my own outfit. She quickly delves into a detailed account of all her recent commitments: soccer practices, PTA events, work responsibilities—the list seems endless.
As I stand there, waiting for her to finish, I realize I’m no longer engaged in her narrative. Instead, I’m mentally preparing my own list of tasks to share once she stops talking. Oh, she thinks she’s busy? I ponder. But she only works part-time and her kids are older than mine… My thoughts wander while she continues detailing her hectic life.
Once she finishes, Cara looks at me expectantly, prompting me to share my own updates. “So, what’s new with you?” she asks, as if waiting for me to confirm my own busyness.
And that made me feel a bit disheartened.
This has become the nature of friendships among mothers: competing over who is busier, as if our worth as parents hinges on our packed schedules. Ladies, we need to stop this.
We’re glorifying busyness, and it’s damaging our friendships. No one truly wins by being busy. When we analyze our commitments, are we genuinely busy because we want to be, or are we merely trying to keep pace with other moms? Are we overcommitting our children to justify our roles as stay-at-home moms? What do we really convey when we tell our friends we’re too busy to connect?
If we’re honest, we’d likely admit to feeling overwhelmed by the choices we’ve made. I once read an insightful article by Tim Krieder in the New York Times titled “The Busy Trap.” Krieder delves into our innate desire to validate ourselves through the number of activities we jam into our lives. He points out that “your life cannot possibly be silly or trivial if you are so busy,” and it’s a thought worth considering.
So, what are we really saying when we claim to be too busy for a quick chat? When we announce our overwhelming schedules, we often seek validation, attempting to hide our feelings of inadequacy. Some days, motherhood can feel mundane, and we fill our time with errands to ward off boredom. Declaring “I’m so busy!” often translates to “I’m more important than you because my schedule is packed!”
Is this truly the message we want to convey to our friends? Do we really wish for busyness to eclipse meaningful connections? The answer is likely no.
Next time you encounter a friend and she asks how you are, be sincere. Share your feelings—whether it’s the weight of juggling too much or the excitement of a new work project. Acknowledge when you regret overcommitting your child to yet another activity.
Resist the temptation to compare schedules. After all, no one is busier than anyone else. We all have our own challenges and responsibilities, and we’re all feeling the pressure from a society that prioritizes constant connectivity over downtime. We’ve all made choices that led us to overschedule ourselves and our kids, and it’s become a burden.
It’s unfortunate.
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In summary, when we say we’re busy, we often mask our feelings of inadequacy and the pressure to prove our worth as mothers. Instead of competing over who has the busiest schedule, let’s strive for honesty and connection in our friendships.