Parenting
A little while ago, I received a message from someone I’ve only connected with online. The subject line read, “Am I a terrible mother?” Naturally, I opened it right away, feeling a mix of concern and curiosity.
The message shared sentiments like these: “I care deeply for my kids, but honestly, sometimes I don’t like them. I’m overwhelmed. My partner and I hardly connect anymore. I do my best to instill values, and while they behave decently in public, at home it’s chaos. They lack basic manners and often tell me, ‘You’re the worst mom ever.’ I’ve tried every method—positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, you name it—and nothing sticks. I feel like a failure and worry my kids deserve someone better, and I’m terrified I’ve ruined them for life.”
Oh, wow. Is that it?
Sweetheart, if those feelings make you an unfit mom, then we’re all in the same boat! Seriously, every one of us has had moments where we’ve raised our voices and said, “You wouldn’t talk to your teacher like that! I’m your mother! Show me some respect!” And back in my teaching days, I had countless meetings with parents who would say, “You should see him at home!” after I’d praised their child’s achievements.
At the end of the day, we all want the same outcome: to raise kind, responsible, compassionate humans. We want our kids to grow into respectful members of society. Because when they embody these traits, parenting becomes more enjoyable, and we feel a sense of accomplishment.
We all take pride in our creations. Just like a child beams when they present you with their crayon masterpiece, we want to showcase our kids when they do well. It’s a reflection of our hard work, and let’s be honest, those moments can often feel like a rare glimpse of success amidst the chaos. The reality, however, is that life isn’t always picture-perfect, and most of us have days that are downright challenging.
Recently, while on vacation, chaos erupted as we prepped to hit the beach. Every kid seemed to have a meltdown at once—one had sunscreen in her eyes, another couldn’t find his ball, and two were practically wrestling each other. It was sheer mayhem. I’m sure our neighbors were ready to call the authorities. It wasn’t a glamorous moment to share on social media, but it was real life.
My kids understand the difference between right and wrong. They know hitting isn’t acceptable and what’s expected of them. Sometimes they follow the rules, and during those times, I feel like I’m nailing this parenting gig. Other times, like during that beach fiasco, I’m left questioning my ability as a mother—and those moments happen far more often than I’d like to admit.
Kids will be kids, and they’re naturally inclined to test boundaries. It’s just part of their development. During those tough times, you just have to hang on and wait for the storm to pass. Eventually, you’ll find your footing again, and you’ll also realize that your kids are not doomed and you’re not a failure.
Perfection isn’t the goal. It’s not about cookies from Pinterest or Instagram-worthy moments. Sometimes, the aim is simply to keep everyone safe and sound. And that’s perfectly normal.
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In summary, feeling inadequate as a mom is a common struggle. It’s essential to remember that you’re doing your best, and those challenging moments don’t define your parenting. Embrace the positive moments while acknowledging that parenting is a journey filled with ups and downs.