Updated: Oct. 21, 2020
Originally Published: Feb. 17, 2018
Once upon a time, my sexual exploits were anything but conventional. Back in college, I often described my experiences as a wild mix of leather, playful costumes, and a bit of naughtiness that occasionally left onlookers in shock. There were moments that even had my friends gasping in disbelief, and let’s just say the RA might have needed a moment to himself after some of my escapades.
I explored connections with multiple partners, indulged in the thrill of secret encounters, and even had my wrists wrapped so tightly in tape that the imprints lingered for days. Thankfully, a little soap and water resolved that little mishap.
Fast forward a few years, and I found myself marrying my partner, Alex. While he may not see himself this way, he has a distinctly vanilla essence. Before we met, Alex had one steady girlfriend throughout college, and their intimacy was decidedly traditional. They rarely ventured beyond the basics.
For Alex, intimacy was comfortable and straightforward. He had no interest in extreme fantasies or adventurous role-plays; his desires were simple. Initially, I struggled to adapt to this new norm. I was eager to push our boundaries, and while he made an effort at first, it quickly became clear that he wasn’t enjoying it. Eventually, we found our rhythm: a blend of love and trust that replaced my previous wild escapades with something far more meaningful.
With Alex, I felt no need to pretend. I didn’t have to act braver than I was or feel pressured to explore avenues I wasn’t interested in. This was genuine intimacy, and over time, I discovered that I didn’t miss the chaotic adventures of my past.
Now, I’ve come to appreciate our simpler tastes. I enjoy the straightforward connection we share, often finding comfort in the familiar missionary position. While we occasionally switch things up, the essence of our intimacy remains the same. We don’t rely on toys, aside from the occasional presence of a vibrator.
Sometimes, I reminisce about the thrilling experiences I once had. However, I quickly remember the deep bond I share with Alex. There’s a gentleness in our moments together that fulfills my emotional needs, providing a connection that transcends physicality. Here, I can fully express myself; intimacy is no longer a performance or competition, as it sometimes felt during my college days.
It took me a while to grasp this crucial truth: there’s absolutely nothing wrong with preferring and enjoying a simple, vanilla intimacy. Each couple’s dynamics are unique, and what fulfills one may not suit another. Your desires, whether they lean toward the adventurous or the vanilla, deserve to be embraced without shame.
Vanilla intimacy doesn’t equate to a lack of interest. We find ourselves connecting several times a week, seamlessly integrating it into our daily lives, whether it’s after catching the latest episode of our favorite series or enjoying a quiet evening together. We still make an effort to keep things appealing; I regularly maintain my appearance, and Alex ensures he stays well-groomed too. I even wear lingerie that he appreciates.
My friends from college would probably be astonished to learn that the girl who once organized “nude gatherings” is now perfectly content with a simple, intimate connection every night. But this is what works for us, and it’s what we enjoy. No one has the right to shame me for evolving. If you were to ask me my preference now, I’d choose vanilla every time.
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In summary, my partner and I have embraced a simple yet passionate connection that fulfills our needs. Our journey reflects the beauty of intimacy, illustrating that it’s not about the wildness of experiences but about the depth of the bond we share.