My 10-year-old son recently took the initiative to learn Beethoven’s “Für Elise” on the piano by himself. He had only a few months of formal lessons last year, but after his dad fell ill, juggling logistics became challenging with one parent managing everything—piano lessons, soccer, basketball, and his sister’s gymnastics. Despite this, he continues to explore the piano every day.
Academically, he excels with straight A’s. He shows promise as a goalie on his soccer team and recently scored eight points during a basketball game. He can solve any Rubik’s Cube handed to him and shares an impressive knowledge of the solar system. He even makes handwritten thank-you cards and generally exhibits good behavior. I often wonder how he will one day change the world, even if I can’t quite pinpoint how.
I’m sharing this not to boast, so please bear with me.
Not long ago, one of my written pieces online received a barrage of hateful comments directed at me and my children. The vitriol displayed was astonishing. As a writer who shares my thoughts with the world, I’ve developed a tough exterior. I typically respond to feedback with dignity or sometimes choose not to engage at all. However, when my children become the target of false and malicious assumptions, that’s when my patience wears thin.
One individual I’ve never met referred to my children as “bastard children” in a comment. My four little ones, still grieving the loss of their father to cancer just two months prior, are apparently despicable in her eyes. I have no knowledge of this woman’s life—whether she has children, has experienced loss, or even owns a pet (I suspect she might only have a snake). While I know it would be wrong to judge her in return, I can’t help but feel that someone who harbors such disdain for innocent children is bound for a reckoning one day.
Another man, also a stranger, claimed I shouldn’t have had children—or at least not “so many”—if I “can’t control them.” He, too, has no idea about my son’s joyful celebrations after scoring in a game or the loving eyes of my daughters. This individual clearly holds a negative view of children, as his spiteful comment indicates.
I can already hear the responses: “Why do you care what strangers think?” or “Don’t let them get to you.” Let me explain: While I possess enough resilience to handle life’s challenges, my children do not. What troubles me is the existence of such cold-hearted individuals in the world and the fact that many of them are parents themselves, actively teaching their children to be unkind. That reality is deeply unsettling.
These individuals are all around us—our coworkers, store clerks, bus drivers, CEOs, and waitstaff. Some are determined to spread cruelty, creating a cycle where the next generation learns to be just as heartless. This is what I find so difficult to accept.
Growing up, my mother often said, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I heard her repeat it so often that I thought it should be a law. With today’s technology allowing people to express their thoughts behind screens, I wonder what satisfaction they derive from hurting others. Why is it acceptable to demean someone under the guise of expressing an opinion? Shouldn’t we be instilling values of self-control, tact, and respect in our children, regardless of differing opinions? Perhaps my mom’s saying should be a rule.
As I watch my son play the piano each day after school, I feel sadness at the thought that some could have disparaging remarks about him. Who could possibly have negative opinions about a boy whose life revolves around riding bikes, building forts, and walking his dog? How can anyone see him as anything but a child who believes in the goodness of people and the world?
I know that before long—sooner than I can imagine—he will encounter unkindness. People will criticize him, tear him down, and make harsh remarks. I dread to think of the hurtful comments my daughters may also face. The unsettling truth is that I cannot shield them from this reality; no parent can.
But we can teach our children to be kind. We can guide them to refrain from judging others. We can encourage them to greet strangers with a smile rather than a frown. We can instill the understanding that not every opinion needs to be expressed, especially if it could harm someone’s feelings. We can teach them that if you don’t have anything nice to say, it’s better to remain silent.
These lessons will shape compassionate, respectful adults who understand that words can either hurt or heal. They will be the ones who choose to spread love rather than hate, and they will be the change-makers we need in this world.
For more insights on parenting and fostering kindness, check out this post on our other blog. You may also find valuable information on pregnancy and home insemination here, and this resource is excellent for anyone considering fertility treatments.
In summary, while we can’t eliminate negativity from the world, we have the power to raise children who embody kindness and compassion, ultimately making a positive impact.