Emily Parker, a parent from Ohio, asks: How should I handle a picky eater? Should I let them stick to their preferred foods or insist they eat what’s on their plate, even if it leads to conflict?
Wow, Emily! It’s almost as if you overheard my recent chat with my mom, who scolded me for telling my 5-year-old that I wouldn’t prepare an alternative meal to what was served. My mom expressed her concern about sleep disturbances knowing that I could prepare something else but chose not to. I simply replied, “We have different parenting styles, Mom. But guess what? I sleep like a baby, and my kids are healthy!”
We’ve all encountered the myriad of reasons our kids refuse to eat — or even try — specific foods:
- “I just know I won’t like it.”
- “It looks gross.”
- “It smells funny.”
- “It’s too squishy/smooth/chunky/creamy.”
- “I’ll try it when I’m older.”
- “It smells like something unpleasant.”
- “It’s too spicy.”
- “That looks like something I might be allergic to.”
Picky eaters can turn mealtime into a stressful battlefield for everyone involved. Naturally, we want our children to be healthy and strong, and it would be amazing if they’d eagerly devour everything we placed on their plates, right? Who wouldn’t want their kids to enjoy a broad range of fresh fruits and veggies or chicken that doesn’t come shaped like a dinosaur? However, for most kids, their tastes lean more towards fast food than gourmet cuisine, making it as challenging to broaden their palates as it is to sneeze with your eyes open.
In my earlier parenting days, I would beg, negotiate, and plead with my kids to “just take one tiny bite!” This sometimes led to whining, tears, and frustration — mostly mine. I was so done with that! Now, I’ve shifted my approach to managing my own picky eaters, and here’s what I do:
When I prepare a meal — and trust me, I’m not whipping up anything outlandish like borscht or haggis — my kids can simply choose to eat it or not. Gone are the negotiations and frustrations at the dinner table.
In parenting, we often have to pick our battles. For me, arguing about food is not one of my priorities. I’ve found that the less I insist on certain foods, the less resistance I encounter. Here’s how it usually unfolds in our home: After cooking, I ask them if they’d like to try what I’ve prepared for dinner. Often, they’ll request a sample, and surprisingly, they may end up eating what I made!
If they opt not to eat, they can prepare something else — but it has to be relatively healthy and approved by me or their Dad. A bowl of chips and candy is not an option! Additionally, if they choose to make a substitute meal, they are responsible for cleaning up the cookware and dishes they used. This strategy works best for older children who can use the stove, but even my 5-year-old can grab an apple, cheese stick, and juice box from the fridge if she turns down the perfectly cooked pot roast I made.
Of course, there are exceptions to consider, especially with children who have food aversions or sensory processing issues. If you’re a parent of a child with such challenges, you know they require unique attention. My son isn’t refusing my pot roast to be difficult; he has genuine sensitivities. For him, I prepare meals I know he’ll enjoy, but once he’s older and capable of cooking, I’ll expect him to make his own meals too.
For my six other kids, however, I let them navigate their own choices. Not in the mood for my delicious pot roast? That’s fine by me — more leftovers for me! But don’t even think about asking for a sandwich; I made pot roast, and that’s the meal. I refuse to act as a short-order cook or engage in prolonged bargaining sessions. If they choose to eat yogurt and baby carrots every night until they graduate, that’s their decision and much less stress for me.
My kids can make their own reasonable meal choices, and I don’t have to endure hair-pulling frustration. It’s a win-win situation! Most kids won’t achieve the USDA’s goal of “eating the rainbow” of foods. So, I suppose the best alternative is to let them “taste the rainbow” by dipping veggies in melted Skittles, but that’s not nutritious at all!
If you have a child who is an adventurous eater and eager to try new foods, I’d love to learn your secret — I’m all ears! Well, not really, because my method works for us, but I’ll pretend to be interested.
I can almost hear my mom shaking her head as she reads this. Different strokes for different folks, right? Love you, Mom!
For more insights on parenting and home insemination, check out some of our other posts on Home Insemination Kit.
In summary, dealing with picky eaters requires patience and a flexible approach. Allowing children to choose what they eat, within reason, can lead to less conflict and a more relaxed mealtime environment. Each child is unique, and understanding their needs can make a significant difference.