As I wait in line at the grocery store, I can’t help but notice the sensational magazine covers shouting about ways to revitalize your marriage. They talk about spicing up your love life, keeping your partner intrigued, and banishing boredom from the bedroom. But honestly? I read that as “how to spice up your marriage”—and let’s face it, these tips are clearly not designed for people with kids.
I’ve skimmed through a few of these articles, and all I can think is, “They clearly don’t have children.”
1. Leave Flirty Notes
“Leave sexy notes around the house.” Right, because nothing screams romance like a heartfelt message for your partner that your kids can read. “I love it when… you take out the trash.” Not quite what the authors were going for, huh?
2. Lingerie in the Kitchen
“Wear lingerie while cooking.” Sure! I’ll just send the kids to therapy afterward. It’s not like they wouldn’t notice. And let’s be real—if the kids are supposed to be asleep and I’m prancing around in lingerie, I’ll need a blanket on standby to avoid the walk of shame back to my room.
3. Role Play
One article suggested pretending to be strangers at a bar. Oh, please. I mentioned this to my partner, and he just smirked, knowing he’d be too busy playing pool while I waited alone.
4. Setting the Mood
Candlelight, rose petals, and soft music were on the list. Hilarious! I can just imagine the fire department showing up because I managed to burn the house down while trying to set a romantic scene. And by the time I get everything prepared after putting the kids to bed, my partner would probably be snoozing on the couch.
5. Bath for Two
“Take a bath together.” Is there a tub big enough for two that doesn’t require a game of human Tetris? I can barely fit in our tub alone, let alone share it!
6. Shower Time
“Shower together.” Honestly, what’s so romantic about that? It’s just a chilly contest of who gets to hog the hot water. And with only one bathroom? Someone’s definitely going to need to pee mid-shower.
7. Act Out Scenes
“Reenact your favorite movie scenes.” Great, but if I hear “Release the baby!” from The Croods one more time, I might lose it.
Let’s be real: these tips seem tailored for the child-free crowd or for those rare moments when the kids are at camp or a sleepover. For parents like us, the reality is that we might need to wait until the kids move out—assuming grandkids don’t come knocking down the door first.
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In summary, while marriage tips can be entertaining, they often miss the mark for parents. Our marital sparks might have to wait until the kids are grown, or at least until we find a way to navigate romance in our busy lives!