“Is it okay if I give her a hug?” a stranger inquired, pointing to my daughter. Standing there with her hands nervously twisting, my little girl looked at me with wide eyes, clearly uncomfortable.
“I’m not sure. Why don’t you ask her?” I replied. My 5-year-old subtly shook her head, but the woman persisted, arms outstretched, waiting expectantly.
“Maybe a high-five instead?” I suggested, my frustration bubbling beneath the surface. Can’t you see she’s clinging to me like I’m her security blanket?
To my surprise, the woman seemed let down. Why would a child be compelled to embrace someone they don’t know? Just because she’s adorable in your eyes doesn’t mean you have a right to her affection. It’s not my daughter’s job to make you feel loved or wanted.
Bodily autonomy is essential — the idea that everyone has the right to decide what happens to their own body. This should be a given, right? I don’t dictate your choices, like whether to get a tattoo, just as you shouldn’t determine if I’m comfortable hugging someone at a neighborhood gathering.
So why do we, as parents, sometimes think we can impose our will on our kids regarding their bodies? Who they hug, who touches them, or who gets to leave sticky kisses on their cheeks?
I remember my great-aunt, who would plant sloppy kisses on me whenever we met, which wasn’t often. I can still picture her bold lipstick and the way her lips felt against my skin. Now, the scent of her perfume triggers that same helpless feeling from my childhood. I had to endure the affectionate but awkward experience, feeling like I was being smothered by a stranger.
These memories motivate me to ensure my kids don’t have to endure similar discomfort. We strive to foster their sense of bodily autonomy from a young age.
If left to their own devices, my kids might choose to skip baths, forgo tooth brushing, and embrace a wild hairstyle. My daughter would likely prefer running around in her birthday suit, while my son would sport dirt on his face like an adventurous little caveman.
However, there are many ways in which we encourage their independence over their bodies. I won’t impose my fashion preferences on them. Haircuts and styles are their choices, although I do insist on occasional washing. I also won’t decide on any permanent changes, like ear piercings, for them.
Most importantly, I won’t force them to hug, kiss, or touch anyone against their will — this includes us, their parents, and extended family.
By empowering them to make choices about their bodies, I hope they’ll be more confident as teenagers and beyond, knowing how to assert themselves when uncomfortable. They will understand that they alone have the authority to decide what their bodies do or don’t do. It’s okay to hurt someone’s feelings to protect oneself, and that lesson is invaluable.
Their body. Their choices. No exceptions.
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Summary:
This article emphasizes the importance of bodily autonomy for children, advocating for their right to make decisions about their own bodies, including who they wish to hug or kiss. It recounts personal experiences to illustrate why fostering this autonomy from a young age is crucial for their confidence and well-being as they grow up.